Hi omg its been so long since i last written something
Quick updates!
Ended my Uni life in May
Friendship with my ex bff ended before that
Have been doing nothing except for dota during my free time
Going to start working in Aug
Everything is happening so fast!! It’s july already
Im not sure if im prepared to face the workload in EY, wanqing has made it sound so horrible
But i am looking forward to living in KL with my friends and in a condo we all picked
Does it make sense if i say i love my parents but i dont want to live with them?
They make me feel so stressed and i know they didnt act like that purposely just to stress me out
But everything they do got amplified in my head
And im so scared the self blaming voices will creep back into my head
Cos im enjoying the (more) carefree version of myself
Im not blaming myself for an uncle eating alone by himself
Or someone whose shoes are worn out
Im so far loving the positivity in my life
But i feel like they’re going to take it away
I feel so sorry and guilty to think this way but its true
Obviously theres the financial constraints which they so very often (everyday) discuss
It stresses me out when i know i cant do anything to help
Even if its just us going out for lunch, i can hear my dad grunting about money
No money for lunch la
So i quit asking them to buy me lunch when im home alone
I cook maggie instead
At night, my mom asked my dad to go and buy dinner
And my dad said, ya la all you do is use your mouth la
I feel so useless
My mom got no driving license so she couldnt just buy food for us
And me too
no one (my dad) wanted to go out and buy food
So i quit asking them to buy me dinner and decided to starve instead
I know it may all seem like im being overly dramatic
But its really affecting me alot
Why am i always starving or hungry when im home
I dont even eat much
My thoughts are just everywhere
I just came back to pontian from kendra’s house
I am so envious of her family
I know i shouldnt but i couldnt help to think that how i wont feel this way if i were their daughter
They are not rich
But they dont complain about having no money to buy food
Her parents always keep bad news or stuffs to themselves so that the kids will not be worried
What about mine?
I know they didnt purposely tell me they have no money to eat just to stress me out
But it really makes me very disturbed and frustrated bcos i know theres nth i can do to help
When kendra’s dad saw her crying
He rushed to kendra’s side and held her in his arms
Gently asked whats wrong kendra
Daddy is not scolding you
While mine is screaming at me almost all the time
Kendra’s mom is so supportive of her for whatever decision she made
While my mom is trying to make me go to sg just bcos she thinks its better
I know you’re gna say my mom has good intentions
I know too
But its my life and i wish i can have a say in it
But whatever
In the end i went to do audit as well
Thats what everyone wants right?
It earns stable income, its a reputable profession
It makes my parents proud of me
And me
At least i get the pay?
Why am i always so negative when im home
I hope i wont have the thought of writing this blog again
Bcos whenever i do, it means im sad
