坐在这里看向窗外 想由衷的说谢谢祢 

我的主

虽然我是一个很坏的christian 虽然我一点也不christian 虽然我很少去教堂敬拜你 虽然我很少follow你的rules 甚至大大的违反了他们

可是今天不想说道歉的话 想说感谢的话

谢谢祢从来不放弃我

谢谢祢把这些好人放在我身边

谢谢祢给了我那么好的男朋友

谢谢祢给了我那么好的父母和家人

谢谢祢总是在人家不理解我的时候 理解我

谢谢祢因为我还活着 我还健全 我还健康 

谢谢祢让我衣食无忧

谢谢祢让我现在每天过得心里很舒服

谢谢祢默默的守护 就算我常常忘了你

谢谢祢透过人们教导我处事

谢谢祢让我不想变得跟他们一样

祈祷你

给我改变的力量

打败恶魔的力量

战胜自己的力量

因为祢的存在 让我的世界变得很不一样 

很庆幸在我这一生认识了祢 

即使我还是那只迷路的小羔羊

谢谢祢一路以来的指导

谢谢祢在我低落悲伤时告诉我路的方向 

Thank you for all the wonderful things that has happened in my life, and for those coming up later. 

以前说过千千万万不会做的事情 通通都做了 

不怪别人 只怪自己 :) 

只怪自己意志力不够强大

对你的faith不够强大

但是还是谢谢祢 让我就算再犯了罪的情况下 还是过得好好的 

祈祷你

可以让我不那么judgemental

对自己有信心点

对你有信心点

勤劳多一点

自律多一点

爱别人如爱自己多一点

爱

祢多一点 

just watched True Story, a movie that's based on a true story lmao
but not really, and so are the other movies that render themselves directed based on true stories actually.
i read an article about it, the writer was someone who followed the crime in 2011, he collected news about his trials, and for 7 years he'd repeatedly read about them lol. that's insane HAHHA
he said that the film was about Longo (the bad guy who killed his wife and 3 kids)'s soul and the thin line between truth and lie. but actually why on earth would it be about that? he said the sins he committed, 1 was lying and the other was killing, both are relatively the same (???)
so he thinks that the movie should focus on HOW and WHY he did it and not the 2.
idk la i think everyone has different perspectives on stuffs and his perspective definitely inspired me ahhaha
i'm not someone who would have a really impressive perspective tbh, i just follow?? sort of XD
and i wanna read the book! it's True Story by Michael Finkel, idk if i spelt his name correctly but that's that!
you guys should watch it it's a REEEEEEally deep movie ~

About my boyfriend

我的男朋友是一个对我很很很很贴心的人

做的都是很多小小的很贴心的事情 如果你没有仔细观察还是发现的话 真的会一不小心就会看漏眼
在你睡觉的时候看video听歌会带耳机 怕吵醒你
在你睡醒前帮你倒好水 帮你买好早餐
你交代的东西他一定一定会记得 因为他会把你每一个小小requests都当成他重要的missions
记着你喜欢或者不喜欢的东西
记得你讨厌吃的东西 记得你最爱吃的东西
记得你上个礼拜想着要吃的那个pizza
forever there for me, literally!
为你放弃整片沙滩wtf啊哈哈哈哈
其实就是为你放弃所有东西
超级以你为中心!
你讨厌的人他绝对不会喜欢
晚上你抢他的被的时候不会生气不会抢回来 然后自己伤风哈哈哈
晚上睡着的时候 睡相不好的你怎么踢他怎么踹他怎么打他他还是会粘回去抱紧你
想要吵醒我但是却又不舍得叫醒我的白痴
在一个美女众多的照片里面发现连你都没有发现的自己的存在
在一个很多人的video里面spot到连你都没有注意到的自己
很没有安全感 很怕你被别人抢走 虽然他很相信你
很尽量的改变 因为怕我不喜欢
每次annoy我就停不下来的猪
常常生不知名的闷气 通常都是因为你可是他又不好开口哈哈哈
对你超级无敌好
平时懒惰得煮东西扫地洗衣晒衣 可是为了你全都做了

惦记着你的礼物虽然那个月超没有钱

因为钱都花在我身上了哈哈哈 

买h&m 吃香喝辣 之类的

可是每次都说不花在你身上要花在谁的身上

喜欢用你的电话拍丑丑的照片然后问你 帅吗

会拍他觉得很typical很讨厌的照片哈哈哈

虽然你的目的只是想annoy他

会帮你拍一万次tourist照也不会骂你的男朋友

被你骂一万次拍得角度不好也不会生气的男朋友

surprise了从来没有人成功surprise过的你 

骗你说爸爸的office打来

需要跑腿男 

其实跑去买蛋糕

跑去写卡片

还给我来个小剧场假假让我看冰箱里面没有蛋糕

其实蛋糕藏在后面的冰箱哈哈哈

可是你根本就不知道有两个冰箱 

拿蛋糕上来的那一刹那都已经够感动的了 

因为你以为他没有plan哈哈哈

读了这个卡片之后哭到七零八乱

鼻涕乱流

他很匆忙的跑下楼叫你赶快在他不在的时候读

弄了红鸡蛋 

煮了鸡蛋面线给你吃

就因为你说你想家

你说妈妈都会煮给你吃

一直跟你说很难吃很难吃

不想吃就算了只是让你吃一个意思

趁你睡觉的时候 

跑去买早餐给你吃

你一直想吃的油条milo还有roti

只想说
You're a very significant presence for the 8 months of my life that you'd participated in.
I have had a lot of struggles within the 8 months and you know every single cents of them.
You've never given up on the relationship like I did just because it was difficult.
You told me you don't want to lose me over such reasons, you told me you think the relationship worths more than the problem we were facing.
You told me you would change for me, into anything that I would like you to be.
You even told me you would try to accept Christ for me.
And you have never given me empty promises :)
I thank God for you in my life, I believe God has brought you into my life for a reason, which is to stay <3 nbsp="" p="">Forever is a really easy word to say, but to keep that promise of forever ain't easy at all.
现在说永远还太远
但是你是我就是我现在最大最想留住的幸福
希望我们可以一直好好的
希望你以后对我的态度不会改变
希望你以后还是那么喜欢我
希望你以后还是像现在一样可以接受我的一切缺点和不完美
希望我们可以长长久久
希望以后可以有一个有你的未来

未来还太远 很难预测
but i'll work hard for a future with you in it!
你讲的啊你以后会赚大钱养我让我在家翘二郎腿的hor
你说为了一个比较好的将来会努力上进
谢谢你为我做出的每个改变
谢谢你告诉我我changed you for the better,
that you are a better person than you were last time.
因为我觉得一段好的relationship里面
就是双方都一起improve着 一起变更好

我想一直跟你一起improve 一起成为更好的人
thanks for everything baobao :')
for the thoughts, for everything. 

好男友 好难有❤️

Thank you for everything that you've done <3 

其他人的等下再写我现在其实在大便

想要紀錄一下 那天忘了紀錄 現在記得了就要趕快寫起來

寶包真的超有心的😭 

我send给他的emoji他看不到 

他还一个一个copy了去 whatsapp paste看是什么emoji😢

笨宝 

最近没有什么时间update

下次有心情再来一个大翻新 :B

Thank you for everything, love <3 

翻回旧posts突然很伤感 😞 

看到以前的我感觉过得很开心 很无忧无虑 很没烦恼 

其实也不然 那时还是有那时的烦恼 只是现在想不起而已

其实现在过得很开心

开心到让我觉得有点不踏实

感觉没烦恼卡在心头上感觉怪怪的？

时不时都会有一点东西卡在心里 觉得不舒服 

最近虽然还是有 可是都是些鸡毛蒜皮的东西 

最近到了11月 到了我的birthday month 多少都是会有些感触的嘛

又再次想起以前在hometown跟好朋友们一起庆祝生日的时候

不同朋友群不同的庆祝 

觉得很loved 很开心很幸福

有爸爸妈妈在身边 家人一起吃顿饭 真的就够了 

看回以前wechat的posts 看到那些comment 发现好多以前很好很好 但现在却不讲话了的朋友们

觉得感触良多

看到一个quote

不管我们现在的关系是怎样 以前我对你的好 都是真的

只能说这个真的太对了 

以前很多很好的朋友

yongsheng 虽然闹翻了 可是无可否认他当时的确对我真的很好 无论后来发生了什么事 当时的情绪都是真的 真的很好 有一个人always backing you up

不是说现在没有啦 就是在想回当时的情况啦

leywen 也很好

虽然怪怪的 可是我们之前很谈得来是真的 他对我的好更是比珍珠还真 而我却用我的健忘来报答人家

kanmei 以前原来有comment我的东西的 真的看了好感动

peien 在sglong不知道过得好不好 

steven ks lim 现在有了男朋友 都尽量不要跟他们聊天还是什么的 以前那段时光真的真的很美好哈哈哈 不用担心跟他们之间会有什么男女关系 朋友就只是朋友 聊了一大堆 半夜五点和kendra还在讲话 

其实说白了也就是 无论曾经多好的朋友 也会沦落成hi bye friends 

十一月 感触月 

最近搬来新房间觉得好寂寞 因为 heshushan就完全不出房门了 

然后我也在家不知道应该跟谁讲话

是不是应该去交新朋友了 :( 

果然人都是自寻烦恼的 

这些起落我清楚到我自己都怕 lol

久了他会不耐烦 

他会不稀罕

他会觉得你的无理取闹一点都不可爱

他会慢慢抽离

他会觉得没必要 

之后他会觉得不需要 

他会觉得不需要麻烦

然后这段感情就会只剩下争吵 

然后就没有然后了

一个太木 一个太倔 

Don't like quarreling but here we are 

是我的要求太ridiculous吗 :| 

唉

为什么每次到最后都搞成那样 ==

是不是其实当朋友的时候更可以好好地沟通 

？？？？

怪怪的 

什么情况啊这个是

Twitter cannot launch so i hadddd to note this down HAHAHA

Yky; *points at a heat draw on the teeshirt* bao look a brain!!!

Wtf Hahahahah it's a heart omg brain ahhahahahah 

是伤心多过生气

是hurt多过愤怒 

是不舍多过放弃

是相信多过认命

I'm so torn between religion and love

Like i thought both of them wouldnt go against each other...?

But now?

This is like my daily struggle, idrk how to deal with it

觉得我男朋友好可怜
要每天忍受我对他的种种怀疑lol
then要忍受我的超级坏脾气
满足我各种ridiculous的要求哈哈哈哈
我觉得换成其他人早就跑掉了
可能就是因为这样所以吃死死他这样哈哈哈哈
我们想未来想得好远~
其实一开始是他先开始想的
然后我都会说为什么要想那么远 搞不好我们都分手了
+各种冷水
所以真的觉得我很过分 = =
现在就不泼冷水啦~ 一起乱想
没关系啦如果真的分手了(又来了) 至少曾经有过啊~~
但是当然是不要分手啦
有时候真的会习惯他这样每天的存在 然后一度怀疑自己对他只剩习惯没有喜欢
然后他就说可是不都是这样的吗
久了就会习惯 这样不是好事吗？
对啊不是好事吗？为什么我好像觉得没有小鹿乱撞的感觉就不是恋爱
是我很奇怪还是你们都是这样的
kendra好像都可以很理直气壮的说他喜欢nicholas
可是我好像就是不会这样觉得？？？？？
可是一讲到要分手就觉得不行啊我还很喜欢他？！？！？
我是怪人

前几天真的吵了一个很大很大的架
其实好像都是我的问题
没有办法告诉他的东西却可以跟别人很自然的说出来
其实要说不相信他也不是
也不是怕他回去跟别人讲
可能就是 面子问题吧 :|

！！！！
这几天来月经脾气更加暴躁
而且对他好像是加倍的暴躁那种
就是吃死人家的意思哈哈哈哈
真的是痛了就骂骂一下踢踢一下生气一下
然后他就在那边 harrrrr okok 不要生气了不要生气了我错我错
电脑lag也是他的错 插头忘了开也是他的错 水忘记倒也是他的错
听不懂我讲的话就是大错特错哈哈哈哈哈哈
很好笑现在想起来
可是当下就一点都不好笑 真的是很生气的那种 我也觉得很奇怪现在想回去
到底都在气什么==
for this i blame PMS!!!!
gave me various mood swings!!!!
not my fault it's her fault :X
we both hoped that i'd miss the 7am train today but too bad i made it XD
很好笑又希望火车走掉又架超快哈哈哈哈

that day i changed his steam profile picture to my picture and i changed the display name too
then when he scrolled through my steam friend list he saw my picture and he was like
BAOBAO
THIS GUY USING UR PICTURE AH!!!
then 一脸生气的样子 HAHAHHA
then he went to check his steam profile and he was nagging to me
这个一定是那个 blalablabla
then i kept acting like i didnt know i was like huh who???
then i thought when he got till the steam profile he'd know already jie guo he didnt XDDD
he still went to check the previous display names of the profile and stunned for like  2 seconds
HAHAHAH
then he was like LOL THIS IS MY PROFILE HAHAHAHA
baichi keyang ben keyang hahahha
he said i still thought this is the ipoh guy!!!!
我一边开一边想 waseh居然也跟我一样买了这么多东西 心里超不爽
然后一直很不爽这个人用我的照片哈哈哈哈哈
这个白痴
明明就是他的profile居然都没办法认出来
anger blinds!!!!! XD

ok 记录完毕
刚才austin问chris
我去看那个人在做什么害我整个超慌张哈哈哈哈哈哈
他讲哦~~~blogger啊 你是blogger啊
他们就是不明白blog真正的用处好无奈呀哈哈哈哈
ok byebye

anyway

what's your definition of being successful? 

i think most of us (or maybe just me???) defines being successful as um rich???? famous?? 

duno leh recently i just realized how much time i'd wasted, or am wasting. 

time for this year passes like WEWWWW damn fast like formula 1 race. 

it was just CNY then suddenly i got into degree and then suddenly the end of semester 1 is coming already. 

hen kuai lor shi jian!!!

all those troubles which i render significant and what used to make me worry so much had actually disappeared??? gone with time 

and the troubles i've got nowadays, i have another one to share with 

who thinks for me from me with me 

and tbh after all those years of being single, it was really difficult to get used to it 

it feels great of course 

and i'm so glad there's always someone there whom i know i can fully trust 

my midterm tests sucked 

my semester 1 sucked 

i have to get myself together!?!?!? 

not trying to blaming him but,

ever since we've got together, 

i don't even go to hang out with my friends anymore

except for the one living upstairs and the one living beside me 

Kendra!!! i missed kendra sooooo much !!!! 

ytd she posted a really stupid picture of us at like 3am

she probably also got really nostalgic and thought of me ba

we were really mad, REALLY REALLY MAD HAHAHHA

we literally act like idiots and zhi zhang (no offence to the real ones sorry sorry) or even mother and daughter, boyfriend and girlfriend, princess and servant, dog and master hahahahha

omg hahahah it was so much fun

i've heard so much from my dance club seniors 

they said that the friends they were really really close with during their foundation studies 

after enterring degree, have also become their hi-bye friends

that's what i really don't want

i dont really care for the others actually 

but kendra?!?! she meant so much more to me

but she's got her boyfriend and i have mine now

whenever i'm free i go to KL

whenever she's free, or rather, every moment of hers, she spends it with nicholas 

and we're happily doing so 

it's just seems like 

we dont have time for ourselves anymore 

is this actually normal???? for couples??? 

lesser friends?? :| 

my bf is wonderfully clinged to me and i'm unexpectedly glad to let him clinged XD

and probably the same to kendra 

maybe i just missed the times where, just shushan and i, 2 to the others

and then we had kendra, 3 to the kampar world 

and we didnt had transport 

we had to walk/cycle/take bus to everywhere we wanted

if we wanted to dine, we had to walk all the way out, and then chatted non-stop on our way out 

we'd suddenly crave for something to eat, and then think of every possible way to get there and eat haahhaha 

we'd take cab just to go to watch a movie 

it's a luxury 

as the cinema is reeeeally really far 

and i appreciate every car rides my friends gave me 

i met lovely bus drivers, lovely taxi drivers, lovely people 

i felt so blessed for everything 

now? 

seems like i cannot stop asking for more 

we have daily car rides to uni, to eat, to tesco, to cinema, to EVERYWHERE 

but we're isolated here at KWC 

the only friends i meet daily are austin chris chunyeh sarah shushan and sometimes cwl 

i used to take cab all the way to 1017 (kendra's hostel) to spend time with her and her housemates

and she was so truthfully happy for me to squeeze in her little bed 

now it just seems like everything is so easy to obtain.

and i lost the ability to appreciate

i appreciate austin for driving us everywhere even though it's the same way but he could've refused to 

he'd remember to takeaway for me whenever i'm lazy to go out 

what else i really cant think of any anymore ahhaha 

ummmm

i dont even really talk to shushan nowadays,

she talks to her bf i talk to mine

we rarely talk unless i start the conversation 

and she'd mostly be listening 

and not telling me anything :(

but i'm just that untrustworthy i dont blame her 

and i appreciate everything

im healthy im alive im loved im blessed 

i have a shelter

i have food to eat 

i can breathe

i can walk

i can talk

i can type

i can play dota! 

i cannnnn drink hahaha

i can stay in this man piao liang de room hahahah 

ummm 

i have a clean toilet bcos i wash it everytime? hahaha 

my room's a mess thou it always is .... 

i havee alot more :) 

oooo and i forgot where did i see this quote from but it's 

“我不是什么好人，你会觉得我的人好，是因为我有帮助你的能力，所以你才会觉得我是好人”

quite true leh if you think of it

if someone doesnt have anything that we want

let's say i want to to borrow tutorial answers from A 

but she doesnt have it, so i wont think that A is a good person

but B has it, B lent it to me when nobody else did, so i think that B is a good person

a good person to me

but so is everybody else 

if one doesnt have what you want

is he/she still a 好人 to you? 

what defines a nice person anyway 

cherish

觉得我人品很烂啊！！！！！！！
可能这个是众所皆知的我只是在restating the facts lol

这个sem 根本不知道在干嘛 - -
dota
dance club
events
keyang
movies
anime
dramas
然后我的midterm考到超烂
学校也很少去- -
健康被搞到一塌糊涂

然后可以怪谁？ 就我自己的问题啊 我自己选择的 怪不了别人

觉得我真的 啊啊啊啊
很过分
有时候觉得自己不值得被这么好的对待 :(
好像在浪费他的好意 :|
觉得我一直在占他便宜 把他对我的好意当成理所当然
:\
真的觉得我不值得他对我这么好啊啊啊啊
haiz
希望我不会辜负他
然后希望我的人品可以好一点
希望我对他会更更更用心
希望我对他会有他对我一半的好就够了T.T
很愧疚啊每次想了都觉得 都是他一个人在付出
他一个人在担心 一个人在着想
he always knows that i was lying about being fine
he always knows it's not true when i say it's okay just leave me be
he always knows :(
and he cares so much about me
he'd drive all the way from KL to Kampar when he has the chance
he'd drive me all the way back to Kampar from KL and then back to KL again
he'd drive alone to kampar from ipoh and back again
he'd sleep on the floor with me whenever shushan is in the room
he'd pay for all my food whenever he knows i'm overbudget :(
he'd forgive me a million a thousand times
he'd love me for who i am no matter what i did
sometimes he'd get mad at me (solely my fault) and still apologize in the end of the argument ahahah
wo cuo wo cuo ni dui ni dui okay bu yao sheng qi le

thank you for always always telling me that i'm worthy of the way you're treating me
真的就像珍珠一样捧在手心
把我当公主疼 皇上一样服侍
每天喊你叫公公 还真的蛮像的啊哈哈哈哈
吓不走赶不跑

反正你也是找不到像我这样好的女孩子了啦 XD *CUE WANQING'S EX  LOL

sometimes I FEEL LIKE AN ASSSSSSS
你知道那种不知道你有男朋友的人 还是会flirt你的吗是不是
你知道跳舞的男生多帅没有！！！
then russel that day flirt me flirt daooooo walao
then i keep
cannot
cannot
cannot
对自己默念lol 哈哈哈哈哈
！！！！
世界上也有很无敌多堆女生比你漂亮所以你吵semo 哈哈哈哈
i'd sway but i'd stay
WAH RHYMES SIA 我自己想的哈哈哈哈

曾经真的是每天都会记得打电话回家
每一天哦
真的是一想到欸还没打电话给他们勒今天
就会马上打电话回去 至少也要讲到几句话
简单的
你吃饱了没
你在哪里
你在干吗

其实他们都会觉得很窝心很安心的
不只跟他们问好 也算是给个他们交代 让他们知道你也好好的

然后我这个坏女儿
真的就是因为有了男朋友 然后就很少打电话回家
就不是每天啊
就算真的打去了 或者我妈妈会打来给我
都是很敷衍的那种
以前真的是会聊开啊
聊一下最近什么事啊 跟我update一下pontian的大小事
问我功课怎么样
书读的怎么样
有没有乱买东西
要记得吃饭
记得吃鱼肉
！！！！！
妈妈T.T
真的很对不起啊很愧疚很愧疚

真的自从和ky在一起真的都没有在想家啊！！！
都在想ky T.T
我好过分。。。
haiz
从今天起就要改变 要记得打电话回家知道吗
他们都在等你的电话
我妈妈有时打来的时候就会问
怎么那么久都没打回来 失踪了啊
就会超愧疚的
T.T
对不起啊妈妈！！！！！！！！！！！1
还有爸爸
我更久没有跟他讲话。。。。。

天啊i'm such a bad daugher :(
I NEED TO STOP BEHAVING LIKE THIS!!!
I need to start to learn how to manage my time and money better
and I really need to claim my considerateness back!!!!!
It's not like i was REALLY considerate back then but i'm pretty sure i was much better last time than now... :(
God... I'd strayed soooo far away from you. I'm really glad that you're still there for me, as usual.
Dear papa, i pray that :| idk what to pray...
i want to be better
and i pray that you'd bless me to become better

突然好想

我也不知道我想干吗 :|

加油啊 迷途的羔羊
加油midterm
加油表演
加油as a better person

:D thank God for everything

Before the sem break ends, we waited earnestly for the end of the sem break just so that we could finally meet.
A MONTH AND A HALF.
It was like a breeze :| Time really does fly huhhhhh
And after my uni starts, we expected to meet each other only like once in a month.
The first weekend after uni started, he got back because his family had a gathering so WE GOT TO MEET
We both thought that we'll have to wait for some time until our next meeting BUT THEN he and his crazy housemates got this idea to drive ALL the way from KL to Kampar on the second weekend.
It was a reeeeally successful surprise though HAHAHAHA
he told me he was going to watch movie on the friday night and i was like ??? watch which movie wo we already watched most of those we wanted to watch le bu shi
and he said insidious
and i was like ???!?!?! bu shi say you dont like horror movies and he said yaaaa but they insisted watching it so okay lor
at first still got abit fed up bcos HE WENT TO WATCH MOVIE WITHOUT ME
then i also rasa i very wu liao very kiampak hahahahah getting mad over this thing hahahah
jie guo yuan lai he'd started driving from KL when he told me he's going to watch the movie

HAO KE AI SHI BU SHI AHAHAHA

okayz he called me i'll type next time BYEZ

静下来的时候就会想好多 

这样是对的吗？

这样下去好吗？

这样子有意义吗？

感觉心中都有了答案 可是还是living in denial

不想再想 不想再考虑

就这样走一步 算一步

不都这样走下来了吗？

我花钱真的不是普通的流水啊

好像坏掉的水龙头一样爆水管那样的花

超级久没有打blog 因为没有什么好讲的

远离了自己觉得是toxic的人事物 

虽然艰难虽然未必是他们的错

可是我不想再为难自己下去了

这是何苦勒

不喜欢就算了啊 

为什么我总是要做到大家都喜欢大家都满意大家都接受的

就是这样咯

发现不被其中一个人喜欢还是接受就会想尽办法

变成大家喜欢大家接收的

可是要改变也不是一天两天的事啊

以前完全dont give a fuck的我在哪裡啊啊啊啊啊

為什麼你躲起來

不知不觉变成生活的每一部分

不管和谁聊什么都会不知觉的聊到他

有时候静下来的时候永远都在想

我真的喜欢他吗

这样下去对吗

这样有意思吗

要离开却又根本不可能

好吧应该就是这样了

不想离开那就握紧啊

好像过了好久其实也才两个月也好慢哦 又其实好快

他手抖哈哈哈哈哈

怎么可以比我白皮肤比我好！！！没天理

谢谢你一直包容我无时无刻乱乱爆发的脾气lol

就算是我错到最后还是你道歉

我也知道是我的错啦 就是不想道歉啊哈哈哈哈

“我们一起摆认真的脸然后比中指OK？？？”

奇怪的爱好lol哈哈哈哈哈哈

我第一次比中指拍照也哈哈哈哈

I don't know how long this will last

Definitely wouldn't use the term 'forever'

But 我会好好珍惜在一起的时间

可以

在一起很久很久当然是好事啦

可是分手这种东西谁都料不到的嘛

在一起个十年也可以分手的what

所以现在还太早

承诺也只是嘴巴说的

所以还是

就这样囖～

爱你哦大肥

VALERIE CHANG JUI LI

今天居然是张瑞利的生日我居然忘记
我不是忘记她的生日日期是忘记今天已经12号了

很多感触勒 找回照片的时候
我们真的很久很久不见 很想和你见一见
一起聊废话 一起没事做 就这样赖在一起

以前以前刚认识的时候 没有想过会变得那么好
那时候还超级幼稚的 一样幼稚
可是他比较成熟比较会想
我就是横冲直撞的牛罢了哈哈哈哈
很想念!!!!!!
一起让别人误会我们是同心恋
吃醋你和别人更要好
吃醋你对别人和对我一样好
只想要你有我这个好朋友就够了
一直抱在一起
一直十指紧扣
一起下课
一起放学
一起吃东西
一起赶功课
一起考试
慢慢到你会驾车了
我们一起吃东西
无数无聊的冷战
到最后都会无聊的和好
啊啊啊啊好感动越讲越想哭 很有感触！！！！
宝宝！！！！很想你
haiz
曾经把每天一起相处的机会当成里所当然 直到现在才知道要见上一面是多么的困难

虽然你的profile picture里现在不再是我们的合照 （有过吗???)
虽然你想要诉说烦恼的时候 脑海里浮现的不是我 （有过吗???)
虽然我们半夜不再会聊天聊一个3小时
虽然我们不会在一起去教堂
虽然我没办法再跟你讲我无聊的烦恼
我们各自在不一样的地方 烦着不一样的烦恼
有着各自的世界
活着没有彼此的生活
我还是想说
你永远都在
永远永远都是我最好的朋友
永远都是那个没有人可以取代的位置


谢谢你带我去教堂
让我认识上帝
让我明白所有事情

我只想说
你真的没有你想象中的那么坏 心底很不好
或许也没有人家想的那么好
可是你真的很好哈哈哈哈
跟很多人比起来真的好很多了啦
而且你很不被世俗影响是我非常非常佩服的一个personality
你很特别
你很有创意
你很会画画
你很会听别人讲话
你很会替人着想
你很会吃
你很会睡

还有你那个很爱抱人的习惯真的千万不要不见哈哈哈
我觉得大家都会很亲近你因为你的那个习惯
或许有时候你觉得是烦恼
可是说真的
有谁不喜欢被紧紧抱住的感觉哈哈哈哈
那种被需要感！！！
以前我很需要勒 所以其实你抱我我都很开心哈哈哈哈

很爱你很爱你
很肉麻可是还是很想说

现在不想只亲你的脸
我可以亲嘴巴吗哈哈哈哈

爱你哟世界上唯一一个张瑞俐！！！ :D
May God bless you in every way possible!!
And I'll be with you for every decision you've made. not like you need me to, but you'll just have to remember, i'll always be on YOUR side :D
Even if you killed somebody.....
maybe...

:D love you to the moon and back <3 p="">

can you imagineeeee ahahhaha
no you probably cannot

my head is so full of him that it scares me

i can't help but to think those words are merely just words
i can't help but to think he'd just leave like everyone else after all the promises

but i probably shouldn't lol
it's so unfair to him
BUT I CANNOT HELP LEH

Thank God that Cier Tricia Jameson and Lynette are safe and sound

im scared that i'll forget about You
please guide me to you o daddy :/

以前说过不可能会做的事情 觉得很肉麻的事情
现在通通都做了哈哈哈

而且到底要上哪去找我这么没矜持的女生啊！！AHAHAHA

很喜欢跟他讲话 虽然已经无时无刻都在讲什么都讲过了还是很想讲
就算没有话题回emoji还是stickers也ok 就是要讲话就对了

要回去ipoh的时候心情真的是！！笔墨无法形容haiz
很伤心很舍不得很想哭然后一直很努力压抑
才在一起第二天就哭会不会太吓人HAHAHA
而且牵手虽然他用很烂的梗可是我连那个梗都没有回答就牵上去了哈哈哈哈哈
我是饿狼！！扑上去抓小绵羊

很想把那个烂梗打下来so我不会忘记
不好意思哦各位会读我的blog的人哈哈哈哈
其实故事是这样的！！因为我们还没有在一起的时候 就一直都是用一只手驾车
然后昨天（应该是前天了就是14号）车上只有我们两个可是我们还是~~~没有什么进展哈哈哈哈 只是一直在讲废话
然后我就问为什么你不要用两只手驾车
然后他就问我你知道这只手是拿来做什么的吗
这个时候我应该要问 做什么 然后他再牵我说 牵你的手啊 对吗
可是我直接就
牵下去了哈哈哈哈哈
没有人有空理你的烂梗啦XD

之后还很菜鸟很新手的学正确的牵手方式哈哈哈哈
我一直牵成那个比力的手势然后还觉得自己是对的
拜托人家牵过手的ok跟你一样咩谈了那么多次恋爱一次手都没有牵过欸烂 HAHAHAH

刚才keyang问我在干嘛 一直问 才讲出在写blog
就是说不久之后他一定会看到这各地方lol
ok他已经看到了HAHAHAH

好那你自己看上面的ok丢脸的是我罢了
你的手很大哦男朋友 HAHAHA
ok byebye

Hi i have a bf le o
still gang hao on shushan's birthday HAHAHA

and he very 肉麻地said
我希望我们在一起久到~~~~我们两个都忘记在一起的日期

hehehehe

but it's still so scary, to like think of the future and everything
because everything seems to be so, uncertain. :|
but God i'll hand everything unto your loving hands :D

I hope we last long, reeeeal long hehe

I think i forgot the correct way to love

Which i hopefully wish that I'd found 

是不用你勉强也能接受的

是不用你容忍也能接受的

是不用你开口也能知道的

是不用你假装也能好好的

But i just wanna let go of the rights of controlling, and just let it be.

Because yea, it it's meant to be, then it'll be. 

虽然是这样讲可是以我的性格是不可能的😂

所以加油吧哈哈哈哈 

尽量囖 

我相信jingtian会一直在我旁边提点我的😂 XD 

God is love

Lee Kuan Yew recently died, and it's really sad to hear.
Likewise to the public lah, i also think that he's a really great leader. Look at what Singapore is right now. All under his great leadership.
and then I heard about this guy, Amos Yee, who made a video titled 'Lee Kuan Yew is finally dead'
My heart aches when i see that video, like who would say that to someone who is already dead? That is so disrespectful! I contemplated about watching the video. On one hand I wanna know what he really is talking about, the other hand i wanna know what makes him think like that.
aaaaand i've made the worst decision by watching his videoS. ya videos he made before that

the righteousness he self proclaims
the know-it-all attitude he has
the tone he speaks

omg i hate it all
he's only 16
and he thinks he's all that great and mighty and smart like he knows EVERYTHING
and he even compared LKY with Jesus
I was furious at first, no one can be compared to Jesus, what do you know about Him? Who are you to claim that my Jesus is hypocritical, hungry for power and controls everybody into thinking that he is great?
FYI, he IS great.

I was so angry, I felt so annoyed and frustrated that someone as young as him, acts like he is 80 and has gone through life.

and then i felt sorry
i felt sorry for his parents
i felt sorry for him
he must have been hurt SO much, or been through a lot of sad events, which lead to the him today.
because only people who are hurt, hurt.
so father i pray, i pray for him.
that he'll grow to know and love you
father i pray that he'll know what you had prepared for him in his life
father i pray that you'll take away his pain and trouble
he's a sinner
but so am i
so who am i to judge him, really?
to You, all sins are sinful, there isn't a scale to weigh what sins are heavier and what are not.
so yea, he sins, so do i.
so who am i to judge?

i pray that all is well for him, and you'll guide him into the light.
Thank you and i love you so much
i'm so sorry i've been a naughty girl and a strayed sheep
today is easter
and i'd like to spend the rest of the hour by worshiping you

you are strong, stronger, and the strongest

Endless trouble, endless questions

i don't even know anymore

but if they are still going on, they are still 坚持-ing
who am i to shout stop?

My dad just called and asked me what's wrong

And i actually forgot what's making me sad already

Then all of a sudden he called to ask me and i was like

晴天霹雳 

I lied, i said, nothing's wrong, everything's going fine

And he said 你不要跟我讲没事 没关系

你不需要烦这些事情 我讲过学费才是最大的问题 只要你可以解决学费with ptptn 剩下的生活费没关系 我可以

就这样几句话把我完全瓦解 

My dad is like the most typical asian parents bcos he doesn't know how to express his feelings

So all the time he was like comforting me with scolding

And i feel so so loved 

总之你不要烦恼钱的问题

你好好读 就是对我们最大的报答

知道吗

乖

I am in the library i cannot say much

I also don't know what else to say 

Thank god for my wonderful parents

But I'm so so so sorry

If I hadn't fool around in sem1, probably none of this would happen... 

整三年的living expenses leh God

心脏很痛
心情很复杂
i tried

and it seems to work

不想用头脑不想想了
想了的东西都好负面
but i can't stop it

and the ugly truth is

i want people to tell me

i care

but i push away
people who say they care
and i build up walls
and i cry inside
endlessly


i am suffocating
i am so stressed out by nothing but myself

and the truth is no one cares

so there really is no point crying out to anybody

ain't nobody got time for your shit bcos they've got their own shits as well

so stfu and stop acting like you're the most pitiful creature in this world

get your ass up and get things done and stop fucking crying

i am a tear fountain hahahahah

ni yao tears

wo jiu burst tears gei ni

but i think no one needs useless stuffs

like my tears

like me

i can be a professional actress now

bcos i can cry if i want to
in
5
4
3
2
1



none of that matters anymore

sometimes i realize it's even better to tell a stranger about your problems
bcos they dont care
but they act like they do
and they listen

so let me get me a stranger

why am i even alive

I'd never thought things would progress into this.
My world was so peaceful and wonderful till I grew up.
I didn't know there is so much responsibilities to hold
I didn't know there is so much road to plan
I didn't know there is so much problems to worry

I don't even know what to think right now, everything seems to be going wrong.

I can never win the devil who hides deep within me

can i just stop and breathe?

and whenever this comes into my mind, I thought of my parents
what about them? they've struggled even more than I had in their years of being alive.
idk everyone else seems to be so carefree and stuff and i'm just here sulking in my own bitterness

i don't even know

i am just living
i am just doing what i thought i ought to do

but there actually is so much more to think about
and i am so sick of thinking
i am so sick of endless worrying and troubling
when you thought you finally figured things out
you realized you never did

i dont even know

I DONT EVEN KNOW

...
???? what do i do now

When i was a lot younger, like around 12-13, I used to think that people who are at 18-19 should know what to do with their lives already.
Apparently that is not true.
because i'm 18 going to be 19 albeit how much i hated this fact, it's still the reality, and i still have no idea what i'm going to do with my life
i just wanna be my parents' little girl
live with them forever
them raising me forever
telling me what to do and what not to forever
buying me clothes forever
buying me food forever
asked me if i have taken my shower forever
asked me if i am hungry forever

.....
why did the adult stage not take place in me already?????
but recently i saw someone wrote,
''the truth is, nobody knows what they are currently having exactly as well''
路都是人走出来的 不是想出来的
maybe that is where 走一步看一步 come from.

i'm so afraid of the day my parents leave me
i don't think i'll have the courage to survive in a world without them

每个人都在等一个人 HAHAHA

just listened to 缺口 on youtube, it's the song for the movie 等一个人的咖啡 hahahah
then i just want to exclaim, i really look abit like her lol just that she's the alot prettier version and i'm not lol
jiu shi some kind of pattern hen xiang
and there's this guy from my uni, always calling me the girl's name in the movie and it's seriously abit annoying =.=

okay goodnight!

我從來都不想自由 一個人過的簡單
也許輕鬆 卻還是寂寞 多希望再被愛感動
幸福都只剩空白 未來畫面多精彩 不值得期待

sorry 给我很typical 的share一下歌词哈哈哈哈
因为很对点嘛~ 最近他失恋了我都在听他要我听的很emo的华语歌

but you will move on

they say: 'you don't understand, you don't understand how much it hurts. that's why it's easy for you to say stuffs like just let go.'
but they don't know, i understand that feeling better than anyone, or so i thought.
the feeling after a breakup, no matter how long or short the relationship was, is devastating.
you felt like your heart is torn into pieces.
your life fell apart
you are not whole anymore.
everything that you are already used to, has changed.
you don't plan your activities just to fit his schedule anymore
you don't wait for the time when he is free so you can call him
you don't wait for the arrival of weekend so you guys can hang out
you don't wait for the opportunities where he holds your hands, or maybe kisses on your cheek
you don't get the chance to have a stomach full of butterflies when he mutters 'i love you' anymore

you don't orbit around him, anymore.

and it's devastating, heart-breaking and suffocating
every empty moment becomes unbearable and you feel extra lonely.
you don't know what to do anymore, without him, without us existing.
the promises you guys made before the breakup floats around
every little thing you see reminds you of him

and it's devastating, heart-breaking and suffocating
you felt like you're dying inside
you wonder what is wrong
you wonder why he said 'we're not for each other'
you wonder how he can just stop loving you when he said the phrase 'forever'
you wonder why you can't do the same, and just, stop loving him.
you try to get him back, you try to change yourself

but darling, that doesn't matter anymore
'we're not for each other' is just a lame excuse of a breakup.
he stopped loving you, that is it.
it hurts, plenty
and there's nothing you can do to stop it

you move on.
regardless of how much time it'll take
you will, move on.
and the process of moving on,
fucking hurts.

hi

hi haiz...
i feel so bad and naughty and everything negative :(
i'm so sorry that i'd been thinking only about myself and not You
i'm so sorry that i'd been so selfish
i'm so sorry that i'd been nothing but a liar :(

I'M JUST EVERYTHING BAD T.T
And after caigou's blog post, I know how she feels, we are taught how we will be loved my Him no matter what you did
my first thought was, then i do all the bad things altogether first, then i repent them altogether can or not???
OF COURSE NOT LAH WALAO also cannot say of course not bcos that is how it works??

anyway, when i was on my way back to Kampar on the train, I met a Malay lady, who shared about her experience with me. Hao ting is share experience lah, nan ting is trying to preach to me lol. but i still listened very attentively bcos i wanna know how muslims think.
then she told me about her illness, she had THREE cancers. breast, vagina there and another place i forgot
and i was like woah?!?! and she's 53 although she looks nothing like that. then she told me the doctor told her she had only 20% of surviving and she was so so scared. then before the big big surgery she kind of made a deal with her god Allah lah, she told him if she survived this by his grace, she'd be a devoted muslim and like um work for him?? jiu shi become like pastors ah preachers like that one i guess. she said she'd turn into a new leaf for him if she were to survive.
then she did o_o
then i was like woah? um then what came into my mind was like, if i were her right, i'd have no doubt to believe in him as well.
bcos it is so real?????? like yea zhen de hen real and she was so touched.
then she told me the muslim teachings lah, actually also not much different from our God but then got some difference like, cannot eat pork lor? but some christians don't also, she said that cannot eat pork shi bcos they already proved that pork is not good for health lah. this one i can accept in terms of health de hua hahahha
then she told me how not-muslim like she was before she got sick.
she said it's the nature of humans to seek god when people are in confused/troubled situation bcos allah made them so. she said before we were born into this world, we were in the spiritual world ??? and we promised allah that we will continue serving him after we are born into the world. but then humans forgot so.
she said it's bcos of the promise so humans will seek god like deep in their hearts and minds.

eh i wanna ask do christians says that also? or hai shi just muslims?

and i felt very... skeptical
like, everyone also have their own experiences what, it's really hard to prove to them YOUR GOD IS FAKE like that, though i have no intention of doing that lah
you see ah, my mom and dad are so so into their god, firstly ofc is bcos of it's their tradition lor, they are used to worship that god already, so they just continue lor. then secondly shi becos they also felt their gods are real. like tio lottery, my dad hor really use the sheng bei to get 4 digits and he really tio lottery. like that he sure believe in his god one ma !!! then like those 乩童 can precisely say out their past and blablabla without even knowing him also very trustworthy to them mah
and then also the muslim lady
so jiu shi like everyone dou hold their own beliefs and.... what about me
after esp i was so sure that Jesus is the only God in this world, and I was soooo passionate about christianity, about him.
after all these while, i havent been to church or their cell groups and everything, i strayed away from him. I reunited with my temptations and seductions.
what's even worse is, i don't even feel bad about it.
whenever my kuwo plays hillsongs, i click next, just bcos it makes me feeling guilty bcos of not going to church
and my mind tends to ignore the warnings that he gave me and insists on sinning.

and how i refused to rely on him
and how i only seek him when i needed help

... haih
life is so confusing
on one hand, i wish i could have fun in every way possible and really YOLO lor
on the other hand, there is God
the 2 cannot coexist.
and i am
so
so
so
haiz
i just feel bad lah that i'm accusing and blaming them behaving non-christian like when i myself dou not acting like a christian already
WHO AM I TO JUDGE?!?!?!
i always know i'm no one to judge yet i still do it.
:(
the only solution is to go to church, and listen to him all over again :(
Father I don't know what to pray already, there is just so so much
i know you have helped me in alot of stuffs yet i still ignore you and thinking i'm the one who accomplished them
but no, you are the one who leads me to 'success'
father i just pray, that you will again guide me onto the right path, so that i can again be your obedient girl.
father i pray that you will not give up on me
father i pray that you will hear me and take me back
father i repent all the sins i have commited, and i am ashamed of them
father i pray that you will solve this problem of mine
no i actually have lots and lots of problems
and i know you know what they are....
please tell me again and ensuring me again, that you're the one and only God
make me feel you again

from a strayed christian

Traber traber traber!

Sooooo troubled all of a sudden x( 

Now that there are only two scholarships in taylor's that is available for me

And one of them, um... I highly doubt i would take that bcos it only offers 20k per year, which is like 60k for my whole course. The course is 102k •-•

Another one requires a CGPA of 3.8, which means I'll have to score a 4.0 this semester •-• and also successfully pass the two interviews which wern and her sister didn't •-•

...

WHAT DO I DO 

You're a sky full of stars

I have been noticing the stars in the sky these nights.

AND THEY LOOK SO LOVELY!!!

My 5s doesn't do justice for them as they look far more magnificent in real life :D

So i langsung don't take picture

But seriously ah, if someone dates me to just go and gaze at the stars at night, it would be a w e s o m e ~ ~ 

Haih midterm tests are closing in, so are assignment due dates

But here i am, procastinating at its best yay yay hooray me 

So okay tomorrow I'm going to make a new ATM card! And probably send my parcel by friday

ALSO not to forget to buy ktm tickets online omg seriously cannot forget this one .... 

And please ah i really needa start studying ALREADY GOSH 

:(

Daddy please help

oop

哎哟很烦欸！！！
ok啦至少解决了问题1号 帮妈妈找到人帮他了！！！ XD

1. 回去一定要去block F看scholarships available了
2. 准备mid term PLEASE
3. 去taylors的scholarship day

omg i need to and i must start to revise my mid term tests already
AND ALSO START ON MY ASSIGNMENTS

I'M SOOOOOOOOOO 没有药救了

I needa cut my time on D2 like seriously
Going back to Kampar tomorrow night, and I still don't feel school....

If I ever left UTAR and went to Taylor's, it'll be devastating
i'll have to leave my already comforted zone (lol did that make sense), and all my already closed friends (again does it???)
and enter a fresh new environment full of strangers
and start all. over. again.

and that is one tiring task and job and trouble
but i know i'll love the whole process albeit how much i complain about it now :/

okay lah haih needa push this stuff aside! nothing works if i screw up my finals this semester anyway.
!!!! you really need to start studying you lazy ass

it's very scary and also very exciting

okay i needa stop goodbye

AND I NEED TO START. STUDYING.

STUDY
OMG
START STUDYING YOU SHITHEAD

FATHER I T.T I'll just leave all my burdens and also my future unto your loving hands my dear lord
i really needa start going to church.........
father i'll just follow the paths you've prepared for me :(
if it's meant to be, it will be, right?

ok可是最后疑惑

我那么丑又那么恶劣恶心恶心加三级

为什么他们还可以喜欢我？！？！？

YES I AM FREAKING BLESSED I AM I REALLY AM

i got band 5 in muet exam all thanks to father God

I got gpa 3.8 all thanks to father God

I got valerie tricia shushan xuewern kendra jingtian and everyone to tolerate my ugly personality and my bad temper

I am very much loved by my family

I am blessed with a healthy body

I am blessed to know chris they all so I don't have to take bus or cycle or walk anymore to anywhere in kampar

I haiz duwan to say this but still blessed to know yongsheng who is treating me so nicely but i dont like him

I always tend to think that people who says they like me are very fu qian 

Okay typing in chinese

我每次都会觉得他们很假很表面

随随便便就可以喜欢我这样 我觉得很生气 你根本不知道我的人有多恶心有多坏

你就讲你喜欢我 真的觉得很恶心

你这样根本就是为了谈恋爱而喜欢的吗

你又不是真的喜欢

ok啦之前是这样想的 到现在对某些人也还是这样想

可是ys ==

他真的被我骂过气过然后他还是不放弃的那种

然后有时候心情不好也会拿他来出气他也不会怎么样==

真的很无奈 可是就真的没有机会啊 

遇到他这样一个笨蛋不知道是好是坏 对我来讲肯定是好啦 因为我都是在接受他的好 然后他就一直在接受我的不好lol

每次还是很不厌其烦的jio我出去 虽然我每次都讲不要lol

然后需要帮忙的时候他又从不推辞

好啦我真的很blessed！可以遇到这样一个大傻瓜==

用傻瓜很恶心我知道 可是他真的蛮傻的哈哈哈

所以我对之前觉得他很肤浅的喜欢我感到愧疚咯ok 哈哈哈哈

可是哎很抱歉真的不可能啊！

到了这边就会有人讲 因为你是外貌协会啊 如果他帅的话又对你那么好 我才不信你不跟他在一起

ok啦坦白上某些程度真的是这样的 可是我们性格真的也很合不来啊

他会一直因为配合我顺从我帮我这样而委屈自己

你觉得这样长久下去是办法吗！

不是嘛对不对！

而且我们观念很不同！

所以lol

害我很愧疚 你讲啦你讲你要我怎样lol

然后还有chris 我也是这样想他的一开始

可是到之后就是那种 你以为他不懂的 他其实都懂lol

比如说天气很热他知道我宁愿不吃都不要晒太阳然后就会特地打包给我这样

还有比如说我超级糊涂去到哪里东西就会乱放 然后他就会念啊 东西收好好啦这样

还有比如说我曾经想要买ebike你们如果记得的话哈哈哈 然后他就讲你算了啦你不要买 反正天气热的时候你也不会骑的

他跟我讲的时候我当下就！！！！你真聪明哈哈哈哈

而且其实chris不喜欢驾车 可是他每天都很不厌其烦的跑来我家载我 很不顺路的我跟你讲 就是需要绕一圈的那种不顺路 

虽然都是一些很小的东西

but it's the little things that count right

总是超贴心的 我讲的自己都忘记了的事情他都一清二楚！

然后只是略略提过的事情他都会记得

有时候真的还蛮感动的勒 我对他那么恶劣lol 我水瓶不见了跟他提起过 我生日他就送我水瓶了是不是很感动！

可是你要讲的话其实ys也是这样啊哈哈哈

哎呀所以讲我很幸福啦 

被着这两个笨蛋喜欢

虽然有时候真的很烦

Thank God for these angels in disguise, to be in my life, and taking care of me everyday

I don't know how long these will last, but yea! :D

有时候想到我没有办法喜欢回他们我就会感到很愧疚

我很怕我这样下去会hurt到他们还是怎样

因为我知道真的会超hurt的啦 然后就想过从此断绝来往这样 可是那样好像更不行更过分 然后我就一直很烦恼很困惑

哎

我到底要怎么办 

！

I am really damn blessed lah! 

在我想到办法之前就先让我自私的接受你们对我的好下去ok 哈哈哈哈

这篇真的很恶心 希望你们不会读到吐哈哈哈哈

可是都是我的超级真心话啦 反正也不多人知道我的blog啊

我真的需要睡觉 要5点了omg

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GO TO CHURCH MY GOODNESS I NEED TO I HAVE TO I AM SICK == 

Why am i so ugly inside haih

What's the use of fresh and pretty and neat and clean outside when you're actually rotten inside?

:(

Haih 

I need to stop behaving like the devils :( 

Lord um, it's just you and me now... Idk if it's just me overthinking or THATS just the truth lah

But yea sorry for everything :( but i rly liked dancing and everything haih 

Bc it makes me feel confident?? Albeit might be wrong for you lah but um ya human de sinful nature made me like this :(

Haih lost my wallet today,

But I don't feel extremely sad or what lah just worried bcos my bus ticket is in it, and without it idk if i can go home tomorrow or not..... X(

Quite lazy to tell everyone lah so jiu shi the last time i saw it was in DDK3 and my friend played with my wallet and everything and then she didnt put it back properly into my bag, she just simply threw (okay ya i admit i am quite mad at her lah bcos u know people tend to find people to blame when something happens lol) and also bcos i didnt put it back properly lah so also my fault lor

So it either got took or it dropped and somemore picked up, hopefully the latter 

So father i pray :( that you'll guide me through and help me to find my wallet back 

I pray that everything will be fine ah haih

Thank you and in Jesus name i pray, amen 

I love you guys so so much

Now that i have done telling my parents i love them i can sleep peacefully

Bcos of the asian culture we have, we don't express our love to each other as often or almost never. 

And that's like the worst thing ever. Bcos all you need to survive and live better is knowing that people you love endlessly, loves you too. 

Endless love, to the best parents in the world. 

They may not be the richest

They may not be the fanciest

They may not be the most understanding

They may not be the funniest

But they are my parents

They've given me everything they have; the best they can give.

And I'm grateful for them O lord

I sincerely pray for the health of my lovely parents, and i pray that they'll get to know you in their lives soon.

It may be difficult, it may be impossible; but with you O lord, impossible are made possible.

Father I pray that they will be full of happiness and I pray that you'll bless them.

In jesus' mighty name, i ask and pray

Amen 

Those who only call upon “Heavenly Father” on Sunday, the rest of the week, they are like orphans.

This is exactly me, i am an orphan. :(

Yea I've thought about everything except that, HE IS NOT CHRISTIAN ?!?!

What is the point of everything if he's nt a christian?

Maybe bcos I'm living like a normal human without God and i focus on myself more than anything, more than God, and that's so embarrassing :<

God!!!!!!! Haihhh papa i love youuuu :(

I repent my sinful acts all over again, i pray for your forgiveness, i pray for your guidance, i pray for what's right, i pray for everything. I'll just leave myself unto your loving hands my dear Lord Jesus

I'm so sorry 

This is an endless cycle

And this is an excuse

Goodnight

Ugh

And suddenly for the first time in forever, I don't know who to talk to about this matter. Haih :(

I know i can tell God about it but um you know he doesnt give me like direct response??? Which is like what I currently need the most actually :/

But I doubt anyone can make the decision except for myself lah

But i need opinions mah haihhh

And kendra is still not home!!! This zhabor ah haiyooooo!

Faster come home so i might be able to tell her everything haih

Bcos I don't know where to start and how to talk about it tbh T T

Haihhhhh

if next time anyone asks me why am i single, I wish i could muster enough courage and tell them

Bcos i like flirting with a lot of guys than staying loyal for just one guy.

At least that guy hasn't appeared yet lol

Okay lah cos I've concluded alr, i actually like flirting with boys and receive all sorts of woos but give no promises lol sounds like very what like that but no lol that's just the deep dark truth that lies within me 

Okay um back to marketing lecture lolll I HAD TO TYPE THAT OUT BCOS SOMEONE ASKED ME AGAIN 

ya loh fenping i agree with you

当日子过到很平静了 你会发现你日复一日的都在做一样的事情

这个时候就会很迷茫 突然很空虚很失落

我吃饭吃到一半都可以突然间叹气感慨lol

日复一日都在做一样的东西啊！！

目标啊

我的目标是什么勒？

不知道勒 不想要很长远的还是什么的

读书？可是不是读学校的书啦 就去图书馆借书来看还是怎样 

读bible！！！

对

一天读一点！！

还有勒？ 想要活得健康点 吃得健康点 可是很难勒 虽然都是借口lol

好啦我去睡了 真的蛮累的

晚安

目标明天再想

还有哦 ys好像买烟花准备在新年放给我看 哎

他没有讲啦 他只是讲 初三晚上空出来给他 因为他要给我看的事情 晚上才可以 那就知道了啊

当姐是傻的啊lol

ok晚安哎 这些男生到底想怎样 不喜欢就是不喜欢！！！！！ 

Hii

Hi father! Today has been fun and exciting :D even tho it was abit awkward at the recruitment drive at first bcos obviously i know they are already a clique, so for me to join them it takes timeee. So I'm glad that i was still able to join their clique and have fun with them!! :p

Um and in english class hehehehe love the lovely elaine! She's so cute hahaha and she laughs at everything i do and thinks that i am super hilarious and always says 美女顾及你的形象啊！！

Ahahahha and then i would just shrug it off and continue kacau her hahaha bcos english class is just toooo boring

Hehehhehe muacks!!

Okay then right after english class jiu went to recruitment drive looorr

Idk why i felt like the chairman is like purposely ignoring and neglecting me lolll maybe it's just me thinking too much lah as usual XD 

But then there are fishball and jason! And angela and carmen and lenny and jessie! 

Carmen has the mosttt 嗲voice ever lolll i cannot tahan hahahhaa

And the rests were okay except alot of vulgarities ahahaha 

Had so so so much fun with fishball and jason XD 

And ahteoh chunyeh austin came to find me!!! Soooo excited ahahaha yay!!! Dragged them here and there wahahha 

Ummm and then the photography society de booth which is just beside ours theres this guy lol I don't even know his name 

Bcos each booth has two chairs but there are too many of us, so i was just standing then the guy was alone at his booth so he offered me his chair then at first i was like nooo then he said 哎哟你这样站住我不敢坐下来勒 loll hahaha so i sat down actually 很想坐哈哈哈哈脚很酸

Then the guy kept staring into my phone lollll pls i can see so i stopped playing with my hp and the next thing he did wth scared me

He put his arms on my chairs lol you know that action right! 搭在你的椅子上omg i was like wth?!?!?! But okay stay normal stay stay stay ahahahah

Then after a while he started talking to me some rly lame stuffs some not so lah then i stood up when his booth's second member came then only he drew his arms back lol

And it wassss fun except for the part where my chairman uploaded a rly unprepared and ugly picture of me haih hahahahaha and when he passed his ipad to me so i can tag myself i still pretended like i cannot find myself BCOS I DUWAN TO TAG MYSELF HAHAHA SO UGLY but then he said impossible ahhhh then took the ipad and asked me to type in front of him haih sad hahahahah

Like that lorrr then after that went to two more tutorials! Then wait chris to come and take me

Played this rly stupid and silly game he installed for me lolllll 

South park adventure like that de hahaha

Then we had dominos to deliver to 1246 then dota AND DOTA WITH MY BRO HEHEHHEHE MUACKS 

I miss him so so much lah haih

Then reach home alr lor

And hor ytd i think sunday lah chris brought donuts from ipoh to me sia soo nice hahaha big apples one

But i only had 1 then shushan enjoying the rest lolll

But still got some left lah i think tmr i eat hahaha

Yayyyyy lalalalaa

Thank God for family!!! Thank God for every person he placed in my life :D

I want to act like him

我知道我不喜欢人家怎样对我

So i also must not do the stuffs they do to me! 

虽然他们有些会故意忽略你啊不把你include进他们的clique 可是没关系！我相信我是闪亮的钻石！哈哈哈哈 遮不住遮不住光！ 好自恋好自恋天啊哈哈哈哈

Do my best to not neglect anyone ahhhh 

Jiayou jiayou God help me with this ah! Love you lots!

Love you sooo much my jesus baobao hahahaha muacks 

Continue to guide me in my life and be a better person :D

In jesus' name i pray and ask! amen :*