决定跟他拼完！！！！

虽然有点中途遗失了哈哈哈 可是回来了就好了 XD 

加油！！ 

Recharging ~

I just read Chelsea's blog and it's like a slap that's wakes me up from my dream.

It's never by chance, I just know. God knows what I need and a guide or arrow to lead me, so He showed me this. And I'm more than grateful :')

She said, how can you forget to love?

I'm slowly forgetting how to love

Love is life, and life is all about love.

Why am I slowly returning to the person who hates so much? 

So sticky note #1

Love.

Love everyone like you love yourself. It might be tough, of course. But when you try and you're determined, nothing can stop you! 

When you feel like judging someone, tell yourself you're not perfect, so are they. We make mistakes, we have flaws, we sin. So who are you to judge? 

SO LOVE!!! Love!!! 

Love yourself, love others, and most importantly, love God.

She also talked about, how we didn't matter the looks when we were young. When we were in primary school, did you choose who to befriend with by their looks? No. It didn't matter, they're just purely their appearance. But as we grow up, stuffs changed, our perspectives changed. What we wear when we go out matters now, the calories matters now, the relationship between you and others matters now.

It's alright though, even though stuffs are changing, you can still be yourself! 

And she said, as long as you tried, you did your best, the results will never disappoint you. Especially when I have a merciful God with me, as long as I please him, he'll work the rest! :D

So try harder and give it your best! Excuses are just discouraging words to stop you from achieving what you want!! 

Okay so I've used like fifteen minutes to type this post but! It's not a waste of time at all (maybe a little), as long as I get to find myself and be me again! 

Recharged, and let's start all over again!!! :D

Random picture

I felt like posting something

I was going to say that, I might miss here if I moved to west lake, but no. I'll not miss even a little bit =_=

Alright maybe a little bit, but definitely not this house lor, just the people here.

The mamak stall de staffs and boss who were so nice and sweet to me! 

The east ocean restaurant here!

My neighbour Chinese uncle and Indian aunties. 

They were so kind and nice to us! 

Okay lah credit my other housemate abit, for not scolding me for misdrinking their yakults T T

Because I thought those were mine so I drank it but actually shushan alreadyd finished mine hahaha

And for lending us their mops and brooms!

Hao lah. That's if I succeeded moving away lor. :(

Thank God I'm here, and I'm so so blessed after the intimate talk between shushan Kendra and I 

Thank you so so much.

I still have a long journey to go and I'm so glad you're here with me!

I love you and I'll try to sleep now! Goodnight :D

I want to be kind

(THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED ON 15/8/2014 BUT IT SOMEHOW FAILED SO HERE IT IS)

I hate myself when I have the thoughts like these. :'(

Everyone deserves to be happy! And I clearly know this!! Actually, I can't be any clearer!!

So the thoughts I'm having, they're scaring me, I don't want to be this evil woman. I just want to be a girl who will be happy for their friends! 

It's bothering me like, 20%?? I let go of 80% of the serious grudge I have, and I still need to deal with the occasional spontaneous grudge. :(

what's wrong with me I'm sick T T

This is my friend's cat dongdong

SHES SO CUTE but like the other female animals she's only manja to males zzzzz I'm so disappointed in you dongdong grrrrr but I'll still hug and pet you anyways hehehehe

Couldn't post this lovely picture because my sisters will kill me HAHAHHA 

JIA YOU :D 

My heart wants me to type this, I must rely on the power of God, and not merely my own strength. Father, I pray that you'll help me to get through this stage. I don't want myself to become an evil witch that I never knew existed. 

Oh and today had lunch with Dino and jiacheng and their clique. it was fun :D 

I didn't sleep yesterday btw, trying to fix my sleeping schedule as I can't even sleep before the clock strikes 3/4 (sounds so familiar right hahaha) 

Anyway, I was a floating body with no soul today hahahaha it felt like a dream leh seriously, like I never woke up, all the activities today were just a dream lol

Okay I'm going to do something I don't know what yet but something hehe goodbye 

Random stuff

My dear father, 

I need your help so very much. :(

It's only five days left until our final exams but I'm still sitting (lying) here rotting away... 

Father I need your help to help me to stay away from my phone ;( 

I pray that I can fight against the temptation to scroll my tumblr Instagram and Facebook T T

AND especially YouTube videos :<

Tell myself that I can learn the dance later! The videos will not disappear so they can wait until the exams are over.

Father also thank you so much!!! Because of you shushan actually agreed to move to west lake, she used to be so so against it and won't give me any answer or reason. But through you, I think things went through her mind and like she thought about it and she went like, eh I want to move here (we were at our friend's house) so much right now.

AND I WAS IN A TOTAL SHOCK because of the contrast of her before and after O.O 

So thank you father! By grace that all this is possible :D

I love you so so much! And I pray that I'll be able to walk on the path that you'd prepared for me. Father I pray that I'll always remember your presence and do the right things.

Father I have sooooo much to tell you but I feel like sleeping already. :(

Goodnight and I'll talk to you tomorrow!! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!! 

Loves and kisses X

LOL @ this picture HAHAHA we had so much fun 

Where is my other leg tho hahaha 

Oh btw short story! While we were walking back from the birthday celebration for my friend, we joked around and hahaha shushan and huixin locked us out of the house. And there were people playing lanterns out there, so Kendra and I were like, WANNA PLAY LANTERNS

OK

then we went straight up and was like can we join you guys and they were being so so friendly as well and said of course! Then we fooled around for like another two hours hahaha. Oh and now they thought I'm a degree student and Kendra is a master student lol hahahaha

They were like NO WAY BELLA YOU ARE IN DEGREE???? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE IN SECONDARY SCHOOL

And I was so damn happy inside tbh hahaha but I still had to say stuffs like eh do I really look so young??? Why does everyone say so?? AHHAHAHA it was a lot of fun!!!

People we got to know but I forgot most of their names X( 

I still remember some tho!! 

L to r: ah liang, idk, idk, ah ber?, me duh, Kendra, shingcheam, shierly

Next row; idk, ah teng, idk...

SO I FAILED 

Shingcheam lol hahaha 

Some boar hijacked my phone ugh

 HAHAHA HAD TO SHARE THIS EVEN THO ITS SO BLURRY 

And we were like WE R GOIN TU DU DA AIS BAKET CHALLENS HAHAHAHA 

The girl in white shirt is huixin btw 

Us tryna werk the form1 pose we did hahahaha 

Doing da tourist shot hahaha this is in the toilet btw 

Trying to imitate the poster on the wall hahaha and it was so idiotic but I liek hahaha

This was an earlier shot before the celebration btw

We went to ochado, apparently a Japanese restaurant and they had onigiri! Not that nice IMO but shushan loved it she had two lol 

BUT THEIR MILK TEAS WERE SO GOOD SO SO GOOD 

I wanted to just add one picture and look where it ended at hahaha.

GOODNIGHT SHUSHAN SLEPT BEFORE ME ARGH bye hehe x

GAH

I admit I'm a control freak, like seriously. BUT ACTUALLY THE ENVIRONMENT MADE ME INTO THIS WHAT.

What can you do besides deciding when the people around you always answer 'idk' 'Sui bian' 'up to you'????

Like of course id be the one who chooses everything and it's been a habit to me ever since.

AND NOW you made me to decide everything and disagree to everything like wth at least give me a proper reason right BUT NO all she gives you is a one word answer, sometimes one sentence but repeatedly use wth

WHY OMG WHY

I feel like chopping your head down and then dig your brain out and see what's inside.

IS THERE ANY SENG MOK MEDICINE FOR PEOPLE TO BE MORE SENG MOK OMG

Zzzzzz I'm so sick of this like seriously

I decided something and then you say you don't want and then you never say why you just keep asking me the question I freakish asked you and voila infinite loops.

I freaking hate this gosh I feel like punching her face whenever she answers me.

I NEED TO CALM THE EFF DOWN AND LOOK LIKE I AM NOT ANGRY AT ALL BECAUSE I DONT CARE OMG 

都走开 ;(

lol很想关掉脸书的冲动 很想就这样不要被人家发现还是找到 就自己慢慢sink下去一个人的世界 

Sometimes it's just that irony. 

I want to be loved, all eyes on me.

And a thunder striked,

I just want to be alone, with my blanket, in my bed, rainy day, sweater weather.

Can I wake up with toned abs and tall body lol

This just another day where the Christianity in me is sleeping, and I do whatever the evil inside of me asked.

And I shall end this piece of nonsense and go to bath and then aim for my bed.

I want to sleeeeeep. 

要抵抗！！！！

好想呐喊 虽然知道自己不应该这样萎靡下去 finals明明进在睫间(有这个字吗我记得有类似的) 我却还在追韩国戏 我妈妈刚才打来 问我在干嘛 很老实的跟他说 我在看戏 居然还教她怎么看了 哈哈哈哈 拉我妈妈一起下水 我们一起看我也比较不愧疚哈哈哈哈 我这个恶劣的女儿😂 

我决定了决定了真的决定了！！！

最多一天看三集 不然四集 可是我一定要开始读书了 我真的不会accounting可是我还在慢慢混

我的天啊我为什么这么不知死😭

明明知道一定要hit gpa, 可是还是这样死靡靡 

明明知道应该要勤劳起来的，现在还是躺在床上 写这些自怨自哀的话....

我现在马上起来冲凉然后去读书！！！！

要从哪里开始呢lol 应该先搞定数学吗？我也不知道=_= 好的就数学吧 

再见

而且好生气啊 在看韩国戏的时候 shushan也在看他的台湾戏 一直跟我抢线 最生气的就是他的戏没有jam的一直跑 我的却jam jam jam

靠越看越生气 放住给他loa十分钟 回来看了三分钟 你讲能不生气吗 argh

心里一直一个声音告诉我 

This is it!! This is the chance! This is the brilliant timing for you to stop watching the drama and start doing what you ought to!!!! 

But I chose to ignore the voice... :( 

上帝爸爸请帮助我吧 T T

没有你的力量来抵抗这个addiction真的是很弱 请给我力量和决心来抵抗它！！

加油！if God is with me, nothing is impossible!!!!! 冲啊啊！！！

So pumped up for my plan!!! 

Eat clean eat clean, I've heard this phrase for numerous times but I had no idea what it was until now hahaha.

So inspired to be healthy and fit!!

I hope it lasts lah hahaha for at least a month! Seriously want a toned abs so much. I'm looking forward to it and wait for my updates bah :D 

nuttin'

Hi i'm here to announce something outrageous.

I haven't been in a REAL conversation since 3PM. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT LOL CAN THIS BE ANY RIDICULOUS?!?!??!

it's because I didn't go to school since like the bar-list is out, so i've been at home for like days? but we were supposed to go to school today but we couldn't wake up wah so many buts HAHA

and shushan was busy watching shows/scrolling fb/doing nothing, and we haven't been talking lol today, except for convos like lunch? and stuffs like that.

anyway, i just felt like i had to talk hahaha how funny is this

btw i'm going to school tomorrow! and my sleeping schedule has been a mess T.T I couldn't sleep until the clock strikes 3/4, YES IN THE MORNING ZZZZZZ

I really need to do the stay awake through the whole night thing.

OR NOT I'LL JUST GO TO SLEEP NOW
goodnight :D

值得吗？

有时候觉得自己特别不好

有时候觉得自己特别的好lol

真的有时候觉得我不值得他们这样为我 因为我什么付出都没有 只是一昧的得到别人的付出 

有时候真的很矛盾 我应不应该接受他们的付出？

Should I? Even if I don't think I deserve people like them? I've never done any big help or stuffs like that to them. But yet, there are always there with me, going through ups and downs with me! 

I really thank God for you two my darlings!! I also thank God for the rest of you lah but this post de main point is the two ok

Because like I've never really did anything that's big enough to like save your life or what. All I did was just, myself. All I did was just behave like myself!!! But you guys think I'm all kind and nice and holy but no!!! I'm really bad and dark and evil. I'm not worthy for all your efforts :(

I feel so guilty just by receiving everything you guys give me, and I have to pretend like I'm not. 

Maybe I'd feel better if you all just treated me like the others.

Argh that'd be a problem again for me then next time I'm going to rant like they treat me just like anyone else!

I myself is a contradiction T T 

I'm so confused and I really need to sleep!

Goodnight 

糟了 一时太激动在微信打了一个感谢神的状态 大家居然都以为我在写男朋友 =_= 是我太冲动了 我要去睡了 瘦了好大的惊吓 再见

Name above all names

Only my dear Father could do this

Father I pray for faithfulness in you, Father I pray that I'll always be grateful to you, Father I pray that I'll always remember your presence. 

Father I pray, that I will always be your little good girl. 

I do everything for you, in your name. All glory goes to you my dear God.

:D

I can't wait to go to church tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thankful

My dear father in heaven, 

I can't be any grateful, to be honest, I never could be any grateful to you :'D thank you for sending angels to be by my side and I AM SO TOUCHED

Father I'm sure you sent him to me my dear lord, and the message he sent me means so so so much to me. Is this your answer to me? Father I can't wait to rush into your hands again! I want to stay under your huge shelter and listen to your words. It's like you can read my mind!!! But indeed you can :D I can't wait for tomorrow. That I can once hear again, to your words. Oh my lovely father and my beautiful savior!!!

From Joshua:

Hey Ee Ning ... hope you enjoy your college life there ... hey have u found a church there ... If not better get one that you are comfortable with ... The most important thing is u are able to serve and learn more thing in that church.... and join CF of your college , it will be a place for u to charging up and continue to fight in your journey ... be a salt and light to ppl seround you ... hey guess what , you are quite a cheerful girl, will definitely bring blessings to other ... so use your gift to bless ppl lah ok... so once you come back , you are always welcome ask to serve for our Yf ... of course need any prayer can send to us so that we can pray for u .... you know our Yf always has this culture , we received and give ... means we learn something out there and we give or serve in the order to make out yf better ... so yup I'm just dropping by to send u a message about the culture of the Youths of JGPCYF ... The only reason that I telling you our youths culture is because you are part of us ....so jia you on your study and God bless 😊

Yes! We receive and give :D I want to learn to let go of all those negative emotions and those ugly hatred! I want to be His little lamb, who obeys him and him only :'D

I love you so much, I'm so so so blessed.  I'm eternally yours!!! 

Heyya

I think I did well in my maths test!!! All glory to God! :D 

And having accounting tomorrow T T God bless me hehehe

And radio play wasn't good at all :( our rehearsal was even better! But oh well haiz, it's over already anyway~ we've also did our best.... So let it go hahaha

Goodbye!!

Oooh and a not so nice but can at least post de picture 

Have a kit kat lol

Truth be told, I'm having a math test tomorrow, and i'm half way till complete for the revision. Tomorrow's test is about matrices and differentiation. I've finished and did my fair share of revision on that, and there's that. DIFFERENTIATION OH MY GOSH.
THEY ARE SO ANNOYING!!!! Sorry I hurt you, Differentiation, but you're just so complicated sob. The examples teachers give us are always so much simpler than our tutorial questions omg, so it happens all the time, whenever you're studying that is.

DIFFERENTIATION.

Then on Thursday, I'm going to have a test for Accounts. Oh gosh, I'm so far away from accounts hahahaha!! I've only finished about like 3 chapters? Most of them are concepts and I don't even know if they'll come out in the exam. Oh they will cos my lecturer said so, maybe a little part of it? And they kept telling me how accounting must do a lot of exercises one. BUT HERE I AM!!!!!

T.T.T.T.T.T

I'm a sinner

MAMA I MISS YOU
And my maxis line hor i'm always so troubled by this!!! My line's plan is supposed to be RM100 a month and just that, but what's tricky is, the RM100 doesn't include SMSes to other locators. Like celcom, digi and the others. But I have tons of time to call others, so i always use call. I have like, 1000 minutes for Maxis to Maxis? And my dad said last month I used RM180 WTF LIKE HOW ON EARTH????
The last time I called Maxis' customer service center, the lady told me that if  reached 80% of my quota, I'll receive a warning text. BUT NO, I NEVER RECEIVE THEM ALSO WHICH MEANS NOT EVEN REACH 80% THEN I ALREADY EXCEED RM 80 LE WALAO?????
And the only explanation is the SMSes to other locators le lor!!!! BUT WHERE GOT SO KUA ZHANG RM80 ZZZZZZZZZZ WHAT

Haiz felt so guilty because I exceeded so much. -_- And my mom asked me not to call her anymore LOL but she wouldn't listen it's not the call it's the messages lah mama. hahaha
tomorrow I call the center again! God help me :O

Father, it brought back all the memories, once again. My dear lord, I want to feel you again, I want to be close to you like I had again! I want walk side by side with you, and make this life purposeful again! 

I have an answer to my all time question.

Why am I alive?

Because of my dear father God!!! 

There is no one else like you :D

Midnight confession

I'm here to confess again! :( Expect the worst.

So I went back to my hometown a week ago, and I had lots of fun! Met up with my dearest friends and undoubtedly shop'd a lot :(
And so what I'm going to confess is that I've spent chao duo money de T.T
I FEEL SO BAD SIA WHY I LIKE THIS ONE

My mom gave me 200, my sister gave me 200, i had 300 on my hand. so it's a total of 700.
oh and guess what? I spent all of them. OH MY GOSH HOW HOW HOW IT WAS ONLY FOUR OR FIVE DAYS!!!!! I'M MONSTROUS OMG T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T
I feel terrible already, but please go ahead and scold me more T.T I seriously need a knock on my head sia, maybe a few more knocks instead of one... :(

Haiz even though I've already finished ranting to wern and I said i'm going to start my revision but yet here I am, writing this stupid, er not really, idk lah, this blog. I just wanna say i'm so sorry mom T.T I feel so bad sia wasting all your hard-earned money sob sob sob please forgive me even though you don't know i've finished the money you gave me T.T

Ma, I WILL NOT EXCEED THIS MONTH'S POCKET MONEY LE!!! AND I WILL SAVE MONEY I PROMISE :( NO I DO NOT PROMISE BUT I WILL TRY VERY HARD :(

My dear father, I need your help, because it's only possible when you're there to help me! Father I pray for the strength to resist all types of temptations that would make me spend unnecessary money. And I really need your help, it's the only one that really helps anyway.
That's really true you know, that how people say that, the moment you feel least to pray, that's when you definitely should. So father, I pray that you'll help me in all the tasks i'll be facing right from now on. I'm going to have 3 presentations and 2 tests this week and father I need your help!!! Father please help me to get through them and do well in them! Because it's only with you, anything is possible!!! Father I pray for wisdom and also patience, father i've been lacking patience these days and i get angry at every little thing so father i pray, that you will give me the power to resist Satan's temptations!!!! Father i thank you for everything, i'm so so grateful that you're always here to listen to my rants. father i pray that the trip to church on thursday morning will be successful my lord, that i'll successfully attend the service without fail and without any excuses. Father i want to be close to you, yet i'm straying away from you. Father I pray, that you'll guide me on the right path and lead me to you! :D Father i pray for my dear parents, who worked so hard for me and the family, and also my dear brother and sisters, they are facing their own problems and challenges as well, so father i pray that they will be able to get through whatever they are facing right now! Father i also pray for my fellow friends, who are staying at the offside, that they will be guided back to the right path, like you're guiding me back. Father I pray that more people will be aware of your existence. Father I do everything in your name, i do everything for you! So father, i pray for the strength to do them, please help me!!!! I pray in Jesus' almighty name, amen!

Lalala

I find it terribly touched when someone knows what a song means to you. To be honest, it means so much to me!!! And I didn't realize how much it is either until it happened.

Chang!!!!! You really know a lot leh haha even though it's abit late to say this now! But I was really thinking about my past and how sad it was because of the song! Don't tell me you forgot le cos I will punch you and now it's a really touching moment so don't ruin it ah hahaha

And I was literally tearing up, but she patted on my shoulder and was like, idk I don't even know she knows what she was doing or not hahaha, but it gave me strength to face that part of my past! And it didn't bother me at all anymore hahaha, at least at that moment lah.

And today I was listening to the songs Wern gave me and I came across Haunted by the Taylor Swift!! And woah dem feels. They just swarm up and like reminding you what you've been through at that time. I used to replay Haunted like for uncountable times hahaha really ask Chang cos I forced her to like that song as well even though I failed hahaha

And a lot of songs remind me of something lah! Jar of hearts? And what else ah? Story of us!!!!! That one is definitely unforgettable hahaha! Um and smile? By Avril hahaha 

Talking to the moon? ;p

I forgot lah quite a lot 

I don't know how but when you know there's someone out there who understands you without having to explain, is so relieving! :D and I'm blessed with a lot of them!! And I'm thankful for that! What more could I ask?

Ok back to topic next week is super stressful T T

I have three presentations and 2 tests.

WAD M I GOIN TO DO T T

Nevermind I can du diz I jus kno

And Grats tan Sabun!!!!! Cos she had finally settled down XD sounds like got married sia hahaha 

And wish me good luck :D 

Goodnight and I hope shushan doesn't annoy me liao hahahahaha no lah actually everything she does annoys me so it doesn't matter XD