I dota tio scold again :'(

我又不是故意的😭 

Diary

The pictures didnt turn out to be good so i didnt post them

But ya here they are

Idk should i describe my these few days as chong shi or the exact opposite LOL lets see

Wednesday night reached kampar, had dinner, went to pasar malam to buy apples (bcos apples or actually fruits are damn expensive in tesco which is the only available and near de super market), then went back to kendra's house, talked and went upstairs to see dudu dota

Thursday noon went to school for lectures, ate at school, went to eat dan dna mee with kendra (supposedly weikern they all coming also but it rained awww), walked back home, i forgot what we did alr

OU we went to tesco and an incident happened but i v lazy to elaborate but i still will u know hor their hostel de management got one van service is send their people to tesco and other places but the case is u need to present ur card and follow the schedule, i was using my friend de temporary card which is alr expired, then the uncle dont let me board then v scary lidat, but i still went to tesco cos shingcheam drove me there 

Friday we were supposed to go to schl but we overslept, afternoon was so so so so wu liao then we went upstairs to chat and plan where to go bcos damn wu liao, and then shingcheam actually suggested we go to cameron, i wanted to go actually but i scare lol cos if i told my mom sure cannot go and i duwan to lie to my mom so

Then watched insidious with steven and kendra and it was hilarious hahaha i was literally not watching bcos i was covering my eyes since the v start till the end (covered all the scary parts so its not scary to me ahhahaaha) and steven was so damn funny and i finally heartfelt how true the quote i saw on fb that day which says the scary movie itself isnt scary, the friend u watch with is even scarier

Its exactly like that hahaha steven's screaming is soooo funny and scary at the same time hahaha

Went for dinner with weikern and the gang then....

Then...

We went to CC cos of dota2 hahahah

Then we played 3 games which lasted like three hours and a half? Then finally reached home at 1 

Kendra they all were watching 中国好声音 eh no its M countdown

Then finished le then we went to slppppp

Saturday morning yuan ben going to breakfast with weikern they all but i was damn slpy and i woke up and switched off all my alarms and smsed weikern and went back to slp

Then jiacheng called, at first i ignored cos  i know he's goin to ask me to wake up and then third call i answered cos macam disturbed kendra

Then jiacheng sounded super urgent he said 你在睡觉？去刷牙换衣服 我们要去一个地方 （去哪里） 去刷牙就对了 我们要去一个地方 （*gimtio le cos he sounded like smth serious happened okok不要紧张给我十五分钟）

And no he just wanted me to wake up and go to breakfast with they all wtf T T T T T T hahahaha v funny also this

Then we went to CC again hahaha

Had two games this time and 1 win 1 lost but still v funnnnnnnn

Then went back to change my shorts to sport shorts lmao does this even make sense and went to gym

And sore body happened

But i was hepiii 

Then went back to kendra house, supposed to shower but i was lazy then keep tekan phone then weikern jio dinner then i just went, without bathing hahahaha 

He called gaohan and jingyi whom i was super annoyed with 

They talk v 没营养 and fei de stuffs zzz

Then went to printing shop then went back home

Smsed kurt to rmb pick me up to churccj service but he nvr replied me so i had five alarms on and slept first and see if tmr he will come and fetch me or not

By 830 still no sign from kurt so i turned off all my alarms and went to slp and suddenly 9(where service starts) wilson called and said he is on his way i was like wtf im still in bed not awake also so i said I'll pass zzzz so ya i missed service

Then went to have lunch with weikern they all then went to buy long yan and went back home and did ai yu bing and we drank and weikern they all went back home 

And i went upstairs to get dota 2 from steven and after 重重困难 i finally got dota2 le big thumbs up to steven!!!!!!!!!!! Kuso kuso 

Then shushan reached then we went to mcd with housemates and a bunch of strangers (one of the housemate de gf de friends, all boys tho) and got one hot stuff but got gf alr sigh

And when i went to toilet to wash my hands they told my friends they want to know me sia hahaha i thought they were lying at me but it turns out to b true and hmmm it def felt great haha

Went home earlier (without saying goodbye to that bunch of boys idk why) then got taxi and reached our real home

After cleaning my room

Two games 

Then now on bed typing this

Second game Met a pudge which limfangqian said is super mix set which worths like rm600+ and we got owned v v v badly wtf

Cheat la now can buy heroes like LOL then v busuk alr zzzzzz

Ok i finally am tired goodnight

This is it.

This

Is

Fucking

It

How can i stop eating T T T T T 

I'm really gna do it this time! *holds fist 

R EEEEEE ALLY

god help me T T

Hi, I'm back at Kampar rn lying on Kendra's bed, feeling cold and hungry, and also some muscle pain.

Trying so hard to remind myself that I'm no different from the others, I am a sinner as well, so who am I to condemn? 

But it's always easier said than done, you can call this excuse or whatever, but whenever you're out there, tryin to know new people, gossip always pop into our chats and undeniably, liven things up. Probably because 我的道不够深 so i thought that gossip actually DOES liven things up, but that is one of the main reason that gossip has been playing a huge part in my life.

I rant. I complain. I feel jealous. I feel hate. I feel unfair. I feel upset.

I dont even know what this post is anymore, i never did.

What am i doing in my life?

What is the purpose of my life?

My mind keeps screaming, GOD!!! GOD JESUS IS YOUR LIFE!

And I've been trying to ignore it.

But it seems like I can't 

I dont care how many times i had failed, I'll probably just stand back up, and fight again, it's not like i want to, it's more loke i need to, and deep down i know, that this is the correct thing.

Dem feels right in the morning.

Good morning!

And my printer toner finished

Oh my gosh

Is this my punishment ..... T T

What am i going to do with my laptop????????

Gosh i wanna cry 😢

And my printer toner finished

Oh my gosh

Is this my punishment ..... T T

What am i going to do with my laptop????????

Gosh i wanna cry 😢

This is happening to my laptop ;(

I am so sadddddddd 

It is new T T

Dear Father in Heaven,

I know that I am a serious sinner and i have no intention of denying it.

I simply just am and I do not have any excuses for this.

Father, how to stay pure and authentic in the midst of all the temptations?

Father I judge people way too much and I pretty much condemn them according to my own scales, and it scares me, Father.

My mind is like a wandering ghost, it can drift to far far away while i was staring into the blank. And when i came back to reality, i cant stop but in awe of how evil i am. 

So who am i to condemn? Who am i to judge? After all, we're all going to face the judgement day, in front of you, judged by you.

So who am i to say that she is wrong?

Father i just want to focus on my own flaws and mend them.

Father i pray for the determination for me to change everything i dislike about myself, so that i can again return to your side and be the good girl of yours. 

Father, i really want to control my tomgue and stop speaking evil with the same tongue that praises you.

I am fully aware that how disgusting it is when i speak of evil with the same tongue that praises you. It simply is just hypocrital and dirty. Father i pray that i will realize my own mistakes and flaws before judging anyone. They say that you can improve yourself when you look at another. Father i pray, that i will be able to condemn and judge myself and realis that i am actually no different from the people i condemn, i am a sinner myself, and the sins are simply defined by you and not by a weak human like me.

Father i pray that shushan's appeal will succeed and she will realize that the only solution to every problem is you. Father with that case, she might actually start to know you and recognize you. Father i pray for that sincerely.

Father i also pray that i will be able to have more faith in you, and put you in the first place over anything.

Father i pray that you will again guide me on the right path and do things in your name, all for your glory.

Father, i am so grateful that you are always here with me, no matter what happened. Thank you for the results, thank you for my parents, thank you for my friends, thank you for the guidance.

I pray that my family's health and that they will know that you are the only God and start to accept Christ. 

Father i pray for all my loved ones to be at ease and get to know you too.

Love your neighbors.

It's so difficult and so easy at the same time.

And i pray that i will be able to love my neighbors as much as i love myself, and accept others for who they are instead of condemning them.

Father, please help me in every way because only you can help me with impossible things like these.

In Jesus' mighty name, 

I sincerely ask and pray, amen! 

真的很讨厌自以为是的人

可是我又是谁咧 明明自己也很自以为是

设定头脑自动关机 当我要gossip的时候

that will stop me. lmao

okie gtg forreal muacks byebye xxxxxxxx

noncentz

hi i am bella / khor / whatever u wanna call me

n i am a hugeass complain n rant machine so if u wanna b ma fran u gotta handle dizzzzzz

n also agree wif mi when i rant or else i wuda killlll euuuuuu cuz i am da rulez lmao da queen so wateva i say will oweyz b right n correct n green light ;-)

b mai fran rule numba 2 

u gota scold ppl tgt wif mi okai u gota b a gud responsible fran n rant wif mi tgt we gota sin tgt u got me??????? u do not let mi go to hell alone okai????? 

b mai fran rule numa 3

u gota be an ass 2

#coolasscrew lmao 

gaiz im slpy n im talkin noncentz but idc coz im slpy so im oweyz right n u shudnt correct mi okai 

wen i woke up i dunwanna cross out prob two or three person outta mai fran list okai

we b franz 4evaaaaAAaaaaA

okAi 

mi wan slp slp bAbyeeeeEE

i loved so so so many quotes in tfios

it is so nice that i need to exclaim :'(

omg im so sad i cannot even slp rn 

tfios

i jus finished tfios

and gosh it was rly a nice book :'(

if u r discouraged or turned off bcos u heard that its about two cancer patients and its a sad love story, i mus say i was too

but i am so so glad i finished this book

it rly worths the tears :'(

omg so sad so sad 

why all the books recently are sad ones :'(

eleanor and park was a sad one too

im so lost in their problems

idk what to say bcos the book is so good  n i am in awe :'(

cry die but it was worth it :'( goodnight 

tfios

i jus finished tfios

and gosh it was rly a nice book :'(

if u r discouraged or turned off bcos u heard that its about two cancer patients and its a sad love story, i mus say i was too

but i am so so glad i finished this book

it rly worths the tears :'(

omg so sad so sad 

why all the books recently are sad ones :'(

eleanor and park was a sad one too

im so lost in their problems

idk what to say bcos the book is so good  n i am in awe :'(

cry die but it was worth it :'( goodnight 

Counting down

hi evry1 i juz wanna talk crap / nonsense hia agen n u cant stop mi u could nvr stop mi im invincible woahhehhahhuhuhahahha

juz kidz im juz a mad woman who is worrying ova her final's results :-(
i m srsly all paranoid agn bcos tick tock tick tock time is flying its kinda good and not good at the same time good bc i'll get to know mai results real soon but not good is bcos if the results is not appealing (lol) as in not over 3.5, i m OVER

I AM SO OVER
SO SO SO O OVER
SO OVER
OVER
0VeR
OVER T.T
;-(

i am so freaking scared wad shud i do.... :'(
 i'm too insecure to say 'just believe in Him and let him do the rest'
i'm too afraid to.
but i have to.
father, i pray that you'll bless me with peace and calm bcos my mind starts a war worse than world war II (prob not) when i think of my results >_<
i'm so afraid and i have no one to confess this to, :'( even if i did confess to some of my really close friends, it couldn't be helped. all they can do is comforting me with their kind words, and tell me not to worry about it. but how could i not? i can understand every single words of theirs but i couldn't, really cannot convert them into actions of mine. bcos it's so damn difficult and father only you could help me. you're the only one who could make words into actions when i pray, confess to.

father i pray, that you'll listen to my prayers. :'(
i really need to get through that 3.5 my dear lord.
i'm so scared. :'(

S - I - X
  days
6 days till my results 

not sure if it was bcos of the eyeshadow kit that made my eyes pop (literally), and by that i mean allergic. my eyes were so swollen for dk how many days! 

it was on and off tho, not like continuously three days. 

therefore, no eyebrows for these days :(

we'll figure out if its bcos of the powder or nah. 

idk y m i blogging this, im jus bored, and in the toilet rn lmao hahaha

and omg i love jenn im so much i love her laughters her fashion sense her cute little nose her bright white neat teeth

nah im not homo, i just really like her

ok despite her appearance she really has some rly cool personalities as well. which i love so much

she eats so ever healthily, controls herself, and seems like never procastinating

ok i shall go buhbye

the power of vscocam

idk i felt like this post is strongly needed

ppl always tell me vscocam is a gud app to edit pix but i used to nt agree wid it bcos most of the pretty filters cost, the free filters r nice but only work on pictures v gud lightning

but i think i figured out how it shud b used lol

play with the brightness, contrast and temperature of the pic, those features r available in the app 

den u can change a rly bad lightning pic into a rly gud one lol 

lemme show u y0 

dis is b4 i edit

dis is after 

lnao itz so magical rite

i love dis app to bits ;-)))))

jingtian applied make up on me hahaha

twas a rly basic 1, but dey do wonders!!!

i drew my eyebrows, in case u din realize

it was a disaster at the first try, but it got better after tryings hahaha

omg hahahha did is the first try

n the second one

but i was so not used to it i actually thought i looked like a man lmao

hao le and happy bday tan xue wern!!!!!!!!

im so so so sry i couldnt go to kl n celebrate with u ;(((( 

may god bless u! in everything :D

很累 现在在床上

很想乱哈啦

感觉生活一团乱

这里处理得不好 那里也处理得不好 

心里很是不舒服

1. 说好要去east team的活动 到最后都报销了 

2. 说好要去找雪文 也报销了

3. 说好要省钱 却一直东跑西跑 

4. 说好的要呆在家里 也没有什么做到

5. 考试成绩还是一个未知数 很让人担心

6. 万一成绩不好 我爸爸就要还钱 我要怎么办... 在degree的时候连尝试的机会都没有了 :(

 

每次在外面玩乐 喝茶 etc的时候 潜意识会一直飘回去 烦这个问题 我真的很怕 也很压力 可是都已经考完了我还可以怎样 我也只能慢慢等成绩揭晓啊 

我除了pray 我不可以怎样

说好的把全部交给祂 却还是一直担心着

可能讲真的很容易 而且根本没有一个保障 根本是个未知数 而未知数特别可怕 因为什么都有可能发生 

unknown, x, we've been searching x in our equation in Maths for so long, it has unlimited possibilities to be anything. and it scares me when i think of that. 

i can only pray for your guidance, and pray that you'll lead me on the right path. calm my roaring insecure heart and mind my father, and make me be at ease again. i sincerely pray and ask, in jesus' name amen 

monday

i didnt want to go with them, but i couldnt go back on my promise, i kept thinking that they already took an off day specially just for me, so i shouldnt and mustnt fly them aeroplane.

so here we go!

with leah before we decided whr to dine at

decided to dine at stone grizzling there but it was awful 

at the toilet before we left bukit indah and proceeded to ksl 

with leywen *-*

before we entered the cinema for Lucy

PS Lucy was a great great film to me!!! ive always been super into sci-fi stuffs and Lucy is a really deep one and i loved every bits of it!!!! i rly liked the ending whr lucy didn rly die she jus kind of disappeared?? like dissolve lmao into the stuffs? omg it was rly gud for me

and this ;-(

idk y i put a frown face bcos i rly liked it

;-(-;

ok dis ok sad n happy at the same time hehehe

cos like i totally forgot that hes goin to give me this also bcos i dun even know when hes goin to give me then when he finally did twas after he sent me home and before i go in 

then my reaction was 99% real lmao i din even have to act it out bc i was damn surprised! 

guilty pleasure.

but he made it really qing song, prob also bcos we'd made things clear ba.

and he said that twas my birthday present n he scared that i wont be at pontian anymore

i rly like it and appreciate all of u ;-(

and taobao reached im supa excited alr done unboxing errrrthang n i love most of dem ;)))

happy mid autumn! even tho i din get to spend with my family :( 

also thank god bc i reached home safely as ys is not rly the best driver hehe

n gudnite!!!! ;-)

facts or nah

1. im super tired rn but i dont wnt to slp

2. sometimes i liek 2 taip liek dizzzzzz

3. i oweyz sey ppl trai hard actly i d0 2

4. xi@0judGezzz

5. u prob wun get mai punz bt idc ;-)))

6. wen i wus in kampar i wan 2 cum bk n heng wid prenz nao i jus wan 2 stey @ hom ;-(((

7. i dislaik mai sis shaotin at her kidzzzz itz ann0ying

8. bt my sis gud 2 me bt juz lil flaw okidoki nu big deal brah

9. im wearin oni underwear rn 

10. idk y i told u dat prob bc im tired n wan 2 slp 

11. mai batt lef 4% hurrAAAYYYy!!

12. i juz snEezEd cos i feel cold ;-)

13. tmr goin to jb wid not the bes compani

14. bt ill enjoy it jz liek i did juz nw

15. put me in any siTuati0n n i cn still blend in

16. i prob am an chameleon

17. i juz sneezed agn n agn (blez u)

18. i smtimes pretend i liek som1 but i end up rly liking dem ;-)

19. so i guez pretending haz itz perkz huh hehahahhuehua

20. i prob gg 2 slp gnight fishezzzzzzz

怎么办 T T T T T T T T T T 

怎么办 事情越来越严重了 .....

为什么事情会发展到这个程度。。。😭

i love him so so much, can he ever not leave me? 

i cant imagine him not being in my life, not asking if i'd bath already or no 

sitting by here watching him walking around, he sat down quite 吃力ly, he walked around in a slow pace, he bent down with some effort now.

i had forgot when i am growing, he is aging too. what do i do now?? im so scared all of a sudden, i dont want him to be so tired and all, why am i the youngest? why am i still studying? why cant i just go out and work and let my dear dear parents stay at home and enjoy the rest of their lives? my parents had been thru so much, ups and downs, and i truly think they needed a break already. but no, they still have to take care of me, give me pocket money, pay the utilities and stuff. why am i not working yet? 

i dont want to see them suffer anymore

papa i love you so much, and im so pained that my asian culture does not allow me to hug you tightly and say i love you. thanks for taking care of me when im nothing but a pain in your ass. 

you are the best papa in the world :'( please dont leave my life ever. 

:-))))))) 

I'm on the bus going back to Pontian right now, jb actually but whatever lah close! 

Father, you're just so so unexpected, sometimes I don't learn through myself, I learn through others. How I wish you're just beside me so I could hug and squish you with all my might. You always show me what the right path is, and tell me what is correct to do and what not. Even deep down in my heart, that is my main consideration for whatever I do.

I try to love people like how you do. And thank you for telling me that! :D I love you  so so much!! 

Random a lot facts

Yes I'm here again to write another post, because I just felt like writing things.

I wanna write facts again leh,ok I decided liao everytime I'm bored I'll just write random facts about me. Tune away if you think it's boring or whatever, I just like writing them.

1. I'm attention seeking (duh)

2. I sometimes think I'm pretty and sometimes an ugly fuck

3. I sometimes swear when I feel like a badass

4. I always overlook my own flaws and judge others' instead 

5. I get jealous very easily

6. I want a boyfriend for me to cuddle with

7. I want to grow 3cm taller so I can be an air stewardess

8. I don't like to wear bras

9. I like being naked and walking around my house if I were alone

10. I like to rant, a lot 

11. I like shopping, it makes me temporarily forget stuffs ;-)

12. I get emotional very easily 

13. I dislike silence and love it till bits at the same time

14. I like to judge people's English when I'm not any better

15. I like to judge generally

16. I like to see fashionable people

17. I try to be one but I fail horrendously 

18. I secretly lack of self confidence

19. I am bad tempered but I try to change :-)

20. I hate people who don't say how they  actually feel about stuffs, and then say stuffs behind later it's freaking annoying like you don't like then say lah ok what ok not ok say not ok lah what for you say ok go back then tell people damn it la I not ok lo force me say ok hello no one force you say ok also lo you say not ok we also siao siao right then you say la you no say we how know lo sien 

21. I like dancing, but I only got to learn for one month and performance for an event which I ruined bcos of my injury I got in the basketball games. I FREAKING HATE THAT INCIDENT 

22. I like people praising me because it makes me feel goOooOd but I doubt the praises I get at the next second

23. I hardly praise people (or so I think cos SS said no) bcos I don't like the feeling that people are better than me 

24. I get annoyed at people thinking they are cute

25. I'm annoying lel

26. I hate people who 反应很慢 bcos 我反应很快

27. I like to take step/chio pictures but I shy 

28. I pretend to be bitchy and cool and all proud. Idek y

29. I hate ppl say u and ur it makes me feel uncomfortable unless I'm using them too

 Ok end of hating I start saying what I like ok

30. I love perfumes and I'd love to own one *hint hint birthday in November ;-)

31. I like huge plushie but I only own 1 :(((((((

32. I like dogs and cats

33. I hate getting mosquitoe bites unless there is someone beside me who is willing to help me scratch SHOUTOUT TO YALL ARE THE BES!!!!!! EVaA

34. I love entertaining people I love

35. I like to laugh a lot 

36. I love my phone ;-)

37. I love my friends 

38. I tried to kiss my friend once when I was damn high (no drugs la chill) relax I never got to

39. I prefer cold weathers than hot ones

40. I'm extremely frustrated by heat

41. I sweat very easily

42. I love to cover myself in blanket but they always go missing when I woke up :(((( sad

43. I like to surround myself with plushies but they also go missing when I woke up :(((( sadx2

44. I love typing nonsense like this

45. Sometimes when I'm tired of being nice I will end up being the bitchiest girl you would ever meet

46. I love spicy food 

47. I love cosmetics even if I don't own any

48. I love funny people ;)))

49. I love witty people XDDD

50. My fav people now are currently SS even tho I complain about her a lot but I love her into bits hehe you won't see this anyway , Leah ko she prefers me calling her this once we start chatting it'll be 2-3 hours over wechat damn scary haha I love her a lot bcos she understands me even before I spoke, Valerie Chang still in my list of fav people ;))))) muack that girl I tried to kiss was you hahaha if you actually read this lol well , Kendra because she's hilarious and we're similar in every way!!! 

51. I'm being completely honest and bitchy here

52. Every Sunday I go to church trying to get closer to god 

53. Tried to act like him but I always fail

54. He'd always smile and say it's okay child stand up and try again!

55. I'm sad because I was supposed to go to KL to celebrate wern's birthday with her ;-(((( 

56. I love socks

57. I also love shoes

58. I'm addicted to high waisted stuffs, be it skirts or dresses or tops or pants

58. I reply damn slow one

59. Sometimes I purposely don't reply 

60. Sometimes I reply within a second people text me

61. I hate cycling

62. I hate smelly stuffs and places

63. I like the swimming thing but I can't

64. I would love to go to the beach but I scare I tan

65. I'm super scared of people turning away from me, rejecting me and mean stuffs I always do to the others lel

66. I try to love myself

67. I always ask my friends if I'm pretty to make myself believe that I am

68. I always have dark thoughts in my mind 

69. I'm going to sleep

I ended at 69 u see wat I did??? ;-))))))

Goodnight 

Story taim

I'm not sure anymore. 

I should probably not talk about this bcos I'll be doubting even more. I'll just let it sink and wait for His help.

I'm so annoyed and confused. If you didn't already know, someone will be giving me a baby-g, I rather wished he isn't going to give me, because it has given me nothing but troubles.

What do I do? Should I? Why not? What if?

There are so many questions. And no answers satisfied me.

I asked from so so soooo many friends of mine, and the percentage of the answer was 50 50. Half of them said just accept lah! (With reasonable premises I'll talk about them soon) and the other half said better don't lah, even though it's your dream watch.

Alright so at first, I'd never thought of rejecting it. Seriously. You guys should've expected it right? Hahaha, I mean it's me, it's not the others, duh. What was going in my mind was that I had never asked him to give me a watch. I had never ever asked. And he's giving me voluntarily, probably as a birthday gift. So why not? 

Time passed, and another thought came up, what if he acts like Yewping? So Yewping was bcos last time I had no transport to go back from jb to Pontian, so I asked a lot of people if they could come and fetch me, and he was one of them. Luckily someone else that I was closer with agreed and she came to fetch me. So I politely (exactly) thanked him and was so grateful and I was thinking oh how wonderful and blessed I am to have so many good friends who were offering their help! And the next day, or probably just that night, I forgot, Yewping wrote a status saying, 果然是无事不登三宝殿啊, meaning that someone only goes out to talk to someone else when he/she needed help. And thanks to my sensitivity, I immediately noticed that it was directed at me. I was so shocked, so sad, so angry, so many emotions going through at that time. And I got mad, I wrote another status saying, isn't friends are supposed to help each other? Or something like that. I was hurt, even though some might not notice, but that incident really scared me and I dare not to ask anyone else that I'm not THAT close with for help ANY MORE. I don't need another person who offers me help and then stabs me in the back saying that I'm only talking to him/her when I needed help. ARENT FRIENDS SUPPOSED TO HELP EACH OTHER??????? THATS WHAT I THOUGHT, I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSE ENOUGH TO ASK FOR HELP! AND TURNS OUT THAT IM JUST ANOTHER GIRL WHO GOES UP TO HIM ONLY WHEN I NEEDED HELP. I felt humiliated and I swear (sorry) not to do that anymore. 

Abit swaying away from the topic but yea, I was thinking, if that guy who is going to give me the watch would do the same thing. Giving me the watch and then when I didn't accept him or whatever shoot happened he'll go behind my back and say spiteful things about me. I'm honestly scared so I tried to ask for help. I asked so many friends who had their own opinions.

Most of them who asked me to reject had the same thought, they said, you better don't take the watch ah, cos later if you didn't be with him, people might say things. I agreed with this, so I decided to reject the watch.

Days later after I decided, I randomly spoke of this to another friend of mine, at first she told me that, if she was me, she wouldn't accept. So I thought yea, that's what I'd decided, I guess this is the right choice and proceeded to eat. And she started asking, how did you guys know each other? Are you guys close? I honestly do not know how to answer that question because I really don't. How do I define our friendship? He's really nice to me, and I treat him as a dear friend. And nothing else or more than that. She randomly said, how did you know that he's going to give you since it was intended to be a surprise? I told her how SS asked his friend and stuffs lah. And I told her how he was chopped because the price (IMO) does not worth the price he bought it (it's RM490) since it's not a new model. And how he was finding that particular model from shops to shops and finally found it (I know these from his friend who told SS). And she said, hey, you should probably accept the watch. I was shocked and asked why?! "Put yourself in his shoes, you have a crush on a boy, you save money to buy a watch he likes for him as a birthday present. You looked everywhere but you couldn't find it. You were anxious. You finally found it in a shop, but it was way pricier than the market price, you probably didn't know because you were overwhelmed by the joy of getting to buy it, and you went home happily. You were anticipating for the day to surprise the boy with the gift you bought and finally it reached the day. He rejected the watch. How would you feel? Your friends who knew that you're going to give him the watch all along got to know that he rejected your watch, how would you feel?"

I was shocked, I had never thought things in this way before, it's a totally different perspective where you're being the one who is giving the gift. I thought, if I were the girl, I'd be angry lol, I looked so hard for the watch but you still rejected it. So what am I going to do with it now? Burn it ah? Or keep it in my house to remind myself how you rejected it? 

My decision shook and finally changed.

You might not agree with what I think, you might think it's just my greed bcos I want that watch (which is true as well I admit) bcos it's my dream watch

You might say that I'm cheapskate or whatever

I'm just going to make that choice 

And tell him clearly and obviously that he and I are impossible. 

So it all ends. 

It became such a serious post =_= 

No one except you guys who know my link shall really see this lol 

I'm feeling so emotional now 

Why am I so emotional~~~~ SOMG REFERENCE XD

Cool fact: I'm still having my last day of exam tomorrow. Oops, later. 

I've really done my fair share of effort, so I'll just hand the rest to God! 

Dear lord, I've experienced the highest desire to study in maybe like five years? There are so so many temptations which are distracting me from studying. But I prayed, and so here I am! I've been studying for like consecutively three or four days? Maybe it seems like nothing to you guys, but it's a big step to me! I've always studied at the last minute, literally. But I've started to study days earlier now because of the power I gain from you my dear father! No one can ever inspire me so much to study except for you. You know what's the best for me and worked that in me.

Dear lord, I pray that all my friends, whether I know them or not, that they will do their best in the tests, father I also pray that you'll bless me with the so everly wondered wisdom (idk if there is such phrase but let me) and do well I'm my papers! I'll hand everything unto your loving hands! 

I pray in the almighty Jesus' name, amen! 

I've really done my fair share of effort, so I'll just hand the rest to God! 

Dear lord, I've experienced the highest desire to study in maybe like five years? There are so so many temptations which are distracting me from studying. But I prayed, and so here I am! I've been studying for like consecutively three or four days? Maybe it seems like nothing to you guys, but it's a big step to me! I've always studied at the last minute, literally. But I've started to study days earlier now because of the power I gain from you my dear father! No one can ever inspire me so much to study except for you. You know what's the best for me and worked that in me.

Dear lord, I pray that all my friends, whether I know them or not, that they will do their best in the tests, father I also pray that you'll bless me with the so everly wondered wisdom (idk if there is such phrase but let me) and do well I'm my papers! I'll hand everything unto your loving hands! 

I pray in the almighty Jesus' name, amen! 

差点那个挫折感又要来了 那个压迫感 那个担心啊之类的都来了

差点忘了 我还有我的秘密武器！

神一直都和我在一起啊 不需要害怕！he will work all the wonders.

So I'll just try my best, give the hardest, and let Him to work the rest! :D