I am an extremely lovable creature

I FEEL AWFUL T.T

BUT IM GOING TO SLEEP NOW

GOODNIGHT

MOM I LOV U I REALLY DO :'(

I FEEL SO SO BAD ARGH FOR NOT STUDYING AT ALL

I WISH I COULD CALL U RN SO U CAN EASE MY PANG OF GUILT :'(

*edit

Btw I've always had this thought for quite some time and I don't find it correct (?) to speak about it hahaha

And I've just decided to do it!!! rEBEL

Ok so you know how my christian friends would always tell me the exact same thing (diff words but same meaning) (And no i appreciate them v much for telling me these cos they make me feel at ease~ so thank u if u ever told me this ok u da bes!!!!! Muack )when they know im havin a test/paper

'Don't be too stressed out! Leave everything to God!'

Sry nt trying to b rude but i think this post is nothing but rude lol ok just my own opinion

I personally find it unsettled (放不下心) when people tell me that leh, bcos if i never study enuf right, no matter how hard i let go and let goD and leave everything to God, my results would still be bad, right??? If im wrong pls correct me ok cos im confused

And sometimes i feel like im using God to ease my guilt? To hide the fact that i did not study hard enuf and like ok faster say leave it to God then can alr 

Im not saying u guys or the others ok jus pieces of my thoughts ok 

Imo i think the more proper phrased words should be 'do ur best and leave the rest to God'

Ok maybe doesnt make much sense to u hor but if u nvr try hard u nvr study no matter how badly u left things to God u still cannt score well right?? Correct me if im wrong ah cos i nvr came across people who nvr studied (at all) and scored well one leh

And jus another piece of my rebellious thoughts lol haha i found out ah if we got good results right no matter it's by chance or what right I'll always thank God first, which makes me wonder cos i nvr blame God also if my results were bad i will at most blame myself for not studying hard enuf i nvr go like God y u no bless me!!!

And this amuses me hahahha 

Mayb bcos i think God can CHOOSE to not let me have good grades??? So when i got i thank God but then if my grades werent good i wont blame Him cos he gets to decide? 

Am i right pls enlighten me lol im so stupid bcos i cant slp zzzzz

And