Going home

Yea that's right I'm going home this Friday!!! 

But when is my heart going back to Jesus, like fully? 

I'm so envious of those who went to pastor Sebastian that day de yf :( I also wanna be there and listen to his sermons again... :( 

I forgot how it is to be in a church, I haven't been to one since a month ago, or longer? And I'm ashamed about this.

I have this weird thing going on in me, I don't like to tell people that I'm a Christian, 

1. Mostly everyone don't consider people as Christians if you aren't baptized. But I do consider myself as one (not so sure now since I haven't been to church and there's nothing else to prove that I'm a Christian)

2. I don't behave like one so who am I to tell people I'm a Christian?

It's mainly about the second point.

I miss being in church... I'm finding myself excuses to excuse from church, I'm so ashamed by this

Dear lord, I miss you so so much, when's the last time that I've sat down and listened to stories of yours?? 

Father I'm so sorry, I don't know what else to say, I'm sorry for all my sins, my disobeying behaviors. Father... What should I do? All the temptations are waiting for me out there, and now I'm just hiding inside, and it takes no time for them to reach me, and eventually indulge me. Father what do I do? To be honest, I know what the solution is, but I'm not doing anything that helps. 

Father please forgive my sins, and I pray that you will bless me with the determination to go against the temptations. Father I want to behave like you, and one day I can finally tell others I'm a Christian without feeling shameful deep down. Father, I will once again tell the others I'm a Christian, once I got back to the right path. Before that, I forbid myself to say so, I'm just a bad evil girl, who doesn't obey you.

Father please help me in this tough path, because without you, I alone cannot fulfil this task, and with you, everything will be on the right path. Father please help me and guide me on the right path. I'm externally grateful to you my dear father.

And in Jesus' almighty name I pray, I pray, I pray my dear Lord, amen.