I should probably not talk about this bcos I'll be doubting even more. I'll just let it sink and wait for His help.
I'm so annoyed and confused. If you didn't already know, someone will be giving me a baby-g, I rather wished he isn't going to give me, because it has given me nothing but troubles.
What do I do? Should I? Why not? What if?
There are so many questions. And no answers satisfied me.
I asked from so so soooo many friends of mine, and the percentage of the answer was 50 50. Half of them said just accept lah! (With reasonable premises I'll talk about them soon) and the other half said better don't lah, even though it's your dream watch.
Alright so at first, I'd never thought of rejecting it. Seriously. You guys should've expected it right? Hahaha, I mean it's me, it's not the others, duh. What was going in my mind was that I had never asked him to give me a watch. I had never ever asked. And he's giving me voluntarily, probably as a birthday gift. So why not?
Time passed, and another thought came up, what if he acts like Yewping? So Yewping was bcos last time I had no transport to go back from jb to Pontian, so I asked a lot of people if they could come and fetch me, and he was one of them. Luckily someone else that I was closer with agreed and she came to fetch me. So I politely (exactly) thanked him and was so grateful and I was thinking oh how wonderful and blessed I am to have so many good friends who were offering their help! And the next day, or probably just that night, I forgot, Yewping wrote a status saying, 果然是无事不登三宝殿啊, meaning that someone only goes out to talk to someone else when he/she needed help. And thanks to my sensitivity, I immediately noticed that it was directed at me. I was so shocked, so sad, so angry, so many emotions going through at that time. And I got mad, I wrote another status saying, isn't friends are supposed to help each other? Or something like that. I was hurt, even though some might not notice, but that incident really scared me and I dare not to ask anyone else that I'm not THAT close with for help ANY MORE. I don't need another person who offers me help and then stabs me in the back saying that I'm only talking to him/her when I needed help. ARENT FRIENDS SUPPOSED TO HELP EACH OTHER??????? THATS WHAT I THOUGHT, I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSE ENOUGH TO ASK FOR HELP! AND TURNS OUT THAT IM JUST ANOTHER GIRL WHO GOES UP TO HIM ONLY WHEN I NEEDED HELP. I felt humiliated and I swear (sorry) not to do that anymore.
Abit swaying away from the topic but yea, I was thinking, if that guy who is going to give me the watch would do the same thing. Giving me the watch and then when I didn't accept him or whatever shoot happened he'll go behind my back and say spiteful things about me. I'm honestly scared so I tried to ask for help. I asked so many friends who had their own opinions.
Most of them who asked me to reject had the same thought, they said, you better don't take the watch ah, cos later if you didn't be with him, people might say things. I agreed with this, so I decided to reject the watch.
Days later after I decided, I randomly spoke of this to another friend of mine, at first she told me that, if she was me, she wouldn't accept. So I thought yea, that's what I'd decided, I guess this is the right choice and proceeded to eat. And she started asking, how did you guys know each other? Are you guys close? I honestly do not know how to answer that question because I really don't. How do I define our friendship? He's really nice to me, and I treat him as a dear friend. And nothing else or more than that. She randomly said, how did you know that he's going to give you since it was intended to be a surprise? I told her how SS asked his friend and stuffs lah. And I told her how he was chopped because the price (IMO) does not worth the price he bought it (it's RM490) since it's not a new model. And how he was finding that particular model from shops to shops and finally found it (I know these from his friend who told SS). And she said, hey, you should probably accept the watch. I was shocked and asked why?! "Put yourself in his shoes, you have a crush on a boy, you save money to buy a watch he likes for him as a birthday present. You looked everywhere but you couldn't find it. You were anxious. You finally found it in a shop, but it was way pricier than the market price, you probably didn't know because you were overwhelmed by the joy of getting to buy it, and you went home happily. You were anticipating for the day to surprise the boy with the gift you bought and finally it reached the day. He rejected the watch. How would you feel? Your friends who knew that you're going to give him the watch all along got to know that he rejected your watch, how would you feel?"
I was shocked, I had never thought things in this way before, it's a totally different perspective where you're being the one who is giving the gift. I thought, if I were the girl, I'd be angry lol, I looked so hard for the watch but you still rejected it. So what am I going to do with it now? Burn it ah? Or keep it in my house to remind myself how you rejected it?
My decision shook and finally changed.
You might not agree with what I think, you might think it's just my greed bcos I want that watch (which is true as well I admit) bcos it's my dream watch
You might say that I'm cheapskate or whatever
I'm just going to make that choice
And tell him clearly and obviously that he and I are impossible.
So it all ends.
It became such a serious post =_=
No one except you guys who know my link shall really see this lol
I'm feeling so emotional now
Why am I so emotional~~~~ SOMG REFERENCE XD
Cool fact: I'm still having my last day of exam tomorrow. Oops, later.
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